“Honey, that wouldn’t make much sense,” Mrs. Crimm replied. “The Hispanic is clearly a criminal himself, so why would he be on a spree of hate crimes that target people similar to himself?”
“Damnation seize my soul, the villain meant ye!” Trader pointed at each Crimm in an ominous, morbid way. “Crimm. Not criminals.”
Faith was frightened. “We won’t be able to leave the mansion ever again, Mama.”
“What if he’s out there somewhere?” Constance’s eyes were wide, and she kept refilling her wine glass with nervous hands.
“I’ve never heard of anyone catching on fire when they’re shot.” Andy pressed Trader on this point. “Did you really see smoke and flames and his clothes igniting? I realize you’re saying you didn’t hang around long and were frightened and also concerned for the Crimms and may have suffered a small stroke, but I’m having a very hard time with your story.”
Trader rather condescendingly replied that it was a well-known scientific fact that people do burst into flames and have cremated themselves unannounced since the beginning of time.
“It’s called spontenuous combusting,” he said. “Look it up.”
Andy didn’t need to look it up. He was quite familiar with spontaneous human combustion and the stories of people suddenly bursting into flames for no good reason.
“Well,” he said to Trader, “we’ll see what the medical examiner has to say.”
“You don’t think that psycho’s gonna come here and set all of us on fire, do you?” Constance worried aloud.
“Why would he hate us?” Grace couldn’t make sense of it. “What did we ever do to him or any Hispanic? And we’re not a minority except for our practically being a royal family, and there certainly aren’t many of those.”
“We don’t even know any Hispanics,” Faith reminded her family as she looked around the table, her horse-shaped face wavering in soft candle light. “And Papa hasn’t a single Hispanic working in his administration and never has. So what do the Hispanics have to be resentful about?”
“Probably what you just said,” Andy replied.
“Which was what?” Regina asked between chews.
“It’s been my observation that the governor’s administration could use a little more variety.” Andy tried to be diplomatic. “When an entire group of people finds itself excluded, hard feelings arise and can turn to violence.”
“But Bedford doesn’t speak Spanish,” Mrs. Crimm explained. “He sees no reason to.”
“He really doesn’t see reasons for much of anything, First Lady Crimm.” Andy was candid, and he almost added with all due respect, but the specter of Hammer had been hovering over him all day. “I’m convinced if he could do something about his vision, his life would dramatically improve.”
“His vision is the same as it’s always been,” the First Lady replied. “He envisions a Commonwealth that is uncommon and committed to the wealth and well-being of one and all, and that from this day forth, there shall be the uncommon goal that the people . . . Oh dear, I’m
afraid I can’t remember the next line. What does he say?” She scanned her daughters’ bored faces.
“The same thing he says at every inauguration,” Regina replied in disgust. “He’s used the same speech every time he’s elected and it was stupid the first time and it’s still stupid.” She looked at Andy. “He thinks Virginia ought to be renamed the Uncommonwealth of Virginia, because he hates North Carolina and is damn tired of all these Fortune 500 companies and banks and movies going there instead of here.”
She reached for the butter, and the silver knife leapt from her buttery, thick fingers and fled across the heart-of-pine floor. Pony appeared out of nowhere and picked it up. He replaced it with a clean one from the silver chest.
“Can I get you anything else, Miss Reginia?” he politely inquired.
“That’s not a bad name,” Andy said in surprise. “Why don’t all of us call you Reginia instead of the other?”
“I don’t want to be called something else, and I’m sick and tired of everyone worrying about what I’m called! And I’m even more sick and tired of no one ever calling me to begin with.” Tears jumped out of her eyes. “Every time the phone rings it’s just somebody trying to find the base unit. I don’t have any friends. Not even one.” Regina cried with her mouth full, chewing and miserable. “I was born in a coal mine . . .”