Myth conceptions by Robert Asprin

“One thing we neglected to mention. General,” Aahz interrupted. “Big Julie here is retiring from active duty. He’s more than willing to leave the running of Possiltum’s army to you, and agrees to give advice only when asked.”

“That’s right!” Julie beamed. “I just wanna sit in the sun, drink a little wine, maybe pat a few bottoms, you know what I mean?”

“But the king …” Badaxe stammered.

“. . . . doesn’t have to be bothered with it at all,” Aahz purred. “Unless, of course, you deem it necessary to tell him where your new battle plans are coming from.”

“Hmm,” the general said thoughtfully. “You sure you’d be happy with things that way, Julie?”

“Positive!” Julie nodded firmly. “I don’t want any glory, no responsibility, and no credit. I had too much of that when I was workin’ for the Empire, you know what I mean? Me and the boys talked it over, and we decided-“

“The boys?” Badaxe interrupted, frowning.

“Um . . . that’s another thing we forgot to mention, General,” I smiled. “Big Julie isn’t the only new addition to Possiltum’s citizenry.”

I jerked my head at the circle of men holding back the crowd.

The general blinked at the men, then swiveled his head around noting how many more like them were scattered through the crowd. He blanched as it became clear to him both where the Empire’s army had disappeared to, and why his men had been unsuccessful in stopping our return to the capital.

“You mean to tell me you-“ Badaxe began.

“Happy Possiltum citizens all, General!” Aahz proclaimed, then dropped his voice to a more confidential level. “I think you’ll find that if you should ever have to draft an army, these new citizens will train a lot faster than your average plow pusher.”