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Christian Science by Mark Twain

sore subject with him. Why a sore subject? Because he has written his

chiefs and asked with high confidence for an answer that will confound

these questioners–and the chiefs did not reply. He has written again,

and then again–not with confidence, but humbly, now–and has begged for

defensive ammunition in the voice of supplication. A reply does at last

come to this effect: “We must have faith in Our Mother, and rest content

in the conviction that whatever She does with the money it is in

accordance with orders from Heaven, for She does no act of any kind

without first ‘demonstrating over’ it.”

That settles it–as far as the disciple is concerned. His mind is

satisfied with that answer; he gets down his Annex and does an

incantation or two, and that mesmerizes his spirit and puts that to

sleep–brings it peace. Peace and comfort and joy, until some inquirer

punctures the old sore again.

Through friends in America I asked some questions, and in some cases got

definite and informing answers; in other cases the answers were not

definite and not valuable. To the question, “Does any of the money go to

charities?” the answer from an authoritative source was: “No, not in the

sense usually conveyed by this word.” (The italics are mine.) That

answer is cautious. But definite, I think–utterly and unassailably

definite–although quite Christian-Scientifically foggy in its phrasing.

Christian-Science testimony is generally foggy, generally diffuse,

generally garrulous. The writer was aware that the first word in his

phrase answered the question which I was asking, but he could not help

adding nine dark words. Meaningless ones, unless explained by him. It

is quite likely, as intimated by him, that Christian Science has invented

a new class of objects to apply the word “charity” to, but without an

explanation we cannot know what they are. We quite easily and naturally

and confidently guess that they are in all cases objects which will

return five hundred per cent. on the Trust’s investment in them, but

guessing is not knowledge; it is merely, in this case, a sort of nine-

tenths certainty deducible from what we think we know of the Trust’s

trade principles and its sly and furtive and shifty ways.

Sly? Deep? Judicious? The Trust understands its business. The Trust

does not give itself away. It defeats all the attempts of us

impertinents to get at its trade secrets. To this day, after all our

diligence, we have not been able to get it to confess what it does with

the money. It does not even let its own disciples find out. All it says

is, that the matter has been “demonstrated over.” Now and then a lay

Scientist says, with a grateful exultation, that Mrs. Eddy is enormously

rich, but he stops there; as to whether any of the money goes to other

charities or not, he is obliged to admit that he does not know. However,

the Trust is composed of human beings; and this justifies the conjecture

that if it had a charity on its list which it was proud of, we should

soon hear of it.

“Without money and without price.” Those used to be the terms. Mrs.

Eddy’s Annex cancels them. The motto of Christian Science is, “The

laborer is worthy of his hire.” And now that it has been “demonstrated

over,” we find its spiritual meaning to be, “Do anything and everything

your hand may find to do; and charge cash for it, and collect the money

in advance.” The Scientist has on his tongue’s end a cut-and-dried,

Boston-supplied set of rather lean arguments, whose function is to show

that it is a Heaven-commanded duty to do this, and that the croupiers of

the game have no choice but to obey.

The Trust seems to be a reincarnation. Exodus xxxii. 4.

I have no reverence for the Trust, but I am not lacking in reverence for

the sincerities of the lay membership of the new Church. There is every

evidence that the lay members are entirely sincere in their faith, and I

think sincerity is always entitled to honor and respect, let the

inspiration of the sincerity be what it may. Zeal and sincerity can

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Categories: Twain, Mark
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