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Christian Science by Mark Twain

President’s term to a year. She has a capable commercial head, an

organizing head, a head for government.

TREASURER AND CLERK

There are a Treasurer and a Clerk. They are elected by the Board of

Directors. That is to say, by Mrs. Eddy.

Their terms of office expire on the first Tuesday in June of each year,

“or upon the election of their successors.” They must be watchfully

obedient and satisfactory to her, or she will elect and install their

successors with a suddenness that can be unpleasant to them. It goes

without saying that the Treasurer manages the Treasury to suit Mrs. Eddy,

and is in fact merely Temporary Deputy Treasurer.

Apparently the Clerk has but two duties to perform: to read messages from

Mrs. Eddy to First Members assembled in solemn Council, and provide lists

of candidates for Church membership. The select body entitled First

Members are the aristocracy of the Mother-Church, the Charter Members,

the Aborigines, a sort of stylish but unsalaried little College of

Cardinals, good for show, but not indispensable. Nobody is indispensable

in Mrs. Eddy’s empire; she sees to that.

When the Pastor Emeritus sends a letter or message to that little

Sanhedrin, it is the Clerk’s “imperative duty” to read it “at the place

and time specified.” Otherwise, the world might come to an end. These

are fine, large frills, and remind us of the ways of emperors and such.

Such do not use the penny-post, they send a gilded and painted special

messenger, and he strides into the Parliament, and business comes to a

sudden and solemn and awful stop; and in the impressive hush that

follows, the Chief Clerk reads the document. It is his “imperative

duty.” If he should neglect it, his official life would end. It is the

same with this Mother-Church Clerk; “if he fail to perform this important

function of his office,” certain majestic and unshirkable solemnities

must follow: a special meeting “shall” be called; a member of the Church

“shall” make formal complaint; then the Clerk “shall” be “removed from

office.” Complaint is sufficient, no trial is necessary.

There is something very sweet and juvenile and innocent and pretty about

these little tinsel vanities, these grave apings of monarchical fuss and

feathers and ceremony, here on our ostentatiously democratic soil. She

is the same lady that we found in the Autobiography, who was so naively

vain of all that little ancestral military riffraff that she had dug up

and annexed. A person’s nature never changes. What it is in childhood,

it remains. Under pressure, or a change of interest, it can partially or

wholly disappear from sight, and for considerable stretches of time, but

nothing can ever permanently modify it, nothing can ever remove it.

BOARD OF TRUSTEES

There isn’t any–now. But with power and money piling up higher and

higher every day and the Church’s dominion spreading daily wider and

farther, a time could come when the envious and ambitious could start the

idea that it would be wise and well to put a watch upon these assets–

a watch equipped with properly large authority. By custom, a Board of

Trustees. Mrs. Eddy has foreseen that probability–for she is a woman

with a long, long look ahead, the longest look ahead that ever a woman

had–and she has provided for that emergency. In Art. I., Sec. 5, she

has decreed that no Board of Trustees shall ever exist in the Mother-

Church “except it be constituted by the Pastor Emeritus.”

The magnificence of it, the daring of it! Thus far, she is

The Massachusetts Metaphysical College;

Pastor Emeritus;

President;

Board of Directors;

Treasurer;

Clerk;

and future Board of Trustees;

and is still moving onward, ever onward. When I contemplate her from a

commercial point of view, there are no words that can convey my

admiration of her.

READERS

These are a feature of first importance in the church-machinery of

Christian Science. For they occupy the pulpit. They hold the place that

the preacher holds in the other Christian Churches. They hold that

place, but they do not preach. Two of them are on duty at a time–a man

and a woman. One reads a passage from the Bible, the other reads the

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