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Christian Science by Mark Twain

of the times, and perceives that “the idea of Church unity is in the

air.”

Now, then, is not Mrs. Eddy profoundly wise in forbidding, for all time,

all explanations of her religion except such as she shall let on to be

her own?

I think so. I think there can be no doubt of it. In a way, they will be

her own; for, no matter which member of her clerical staff shall furnish

the explanations, not a line of them will she ever allow to be printed

until she shall have approved it, accepted it, copyrighted it, cabbaged

it. We may depend on that with a four-ace confidence.

THE NEW INFALLIBILITY

All in proper time Mrs. Eddy’s factory will take hold of that

Commandment, and explain it for good and all. It may be that one member

of the shift will vote that the word “all” means all; it may be that ten

members of the shift will vote that “all” means only a percentage; but it

is Mrs. Eddy, not the eleven, who will do the deciding. And if she says

it is percentage, then percentage it is, forevermore –and that is what I

am expecting, for she doesn’t sell all herself, nor any considerable part

of it, and as regards the poor, she doesn’t declare any dividend; but if

she says “all” means all, then all it is, to the end of time, and no

follower of hers will ever be allowed to reconstruct that text, or shrink

it, or inflate it, or meddle with it in any way at all. Even to-day–

right here in the beginning–she is the sole person who, in the matter of

Christian Science exegesis, is privileged to exploit the Spiral Twist.

The Christian world has two Infallibles now.

Of equal power? For the present only. When Leo XIII. passes to his

rest another Infallible will ascend his throne; others, and yet others,

and still others will follow him, and be as infallible as he, and decide

questions of doctrine as long as they may come up, all down the far

future; but Mary Baker G. Eddy is the only Infallible that will ever

occupy the Science throne. Many a Science Pope will succeed her, but she

has closed their mouths; they will repeat and reverently praise and adore

her infallibilities, but venture none themselves. In her grave she will

still outrank all other Popes, be they of what Church they may. She will

hold the supremest of earthly titles, The Infallible–with a capital T.

Many in the world’s history have had a hunger for such nuggets and slices

of power as they might reasonably hope to grab out of an empire’s or a

religion’s assets, but Mrs. Eddy is the only person alive or dead who has

ever struck for the whole of them. For small things she has the eye of a

microscope, for large ones the eye of a telescope, and whatever she sees,

she wants. Wants it all.

THE SACRED POEMS

When Mrs. Eddy’s “sacred revelations” (that is the language of the By-

laws) are read in public, their authorship must be named. The By-laws

twice command this, therefore we mention it twice, to be fair.

But it is also commanded that when a member publicly quotes “from the

poems of our Pastor Emeritus” the authorship shall be named. For these

are sacred, too. There are kindly people who may suspect a hidden

generosity in that By-law; they may think it is there to protect the

Official Reader from the suspicion of having written the poems himself.

Such do not know Mrs. Eddy. She does an inordinate deal of protecting,

but in no distinctly named and specified case in her history has Number

Two been the object of it. Instances have been claimed, but they have

failed of proof, and even of plausibility.

“Members shall also instruct their students” to look out and advertise

the authorship when they read those poems and things. Not on Mrs. Eddy’s

account, but “for the good of our Cause.”

THE CHURCH EDIFICE

1. Mrs. Eddy gave the land. It was not of much value at the time, but

it is very valuable now.

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