P G Wodehouse – Uneasy Money

‘And you’re going to marry her? How very romantic–and convenient! What an excellent arrangement for her. Which of you suggested it?’

Bill drew in a deep breath. All this was, he supposed, unavoidable, but it was not pleasant.

Claire suddenly abandoned her pose of cool amusement. The fire behind it blazed through.

‘You fool!’ she cried passionately. ‘Are you blind? Can’t you see that this girl is simply after your money? A child could see it.’

Bill looked at her steadily.

‘You’re quite wrong. She doesn’t know who I am.’

‘Doesn’t know who you are? What do you mean? She must know by this time that her uncle left his money to you.’

‘But she doesn’t know that I am Lord Dawlish. I came to America under another name. She knows me as Chalmers.’

Claire was silent for a moment.

‘How did you get to know her?’ she asked, more quietly.

‘I met her brother by chance in New York.’

‘By chance!’

‘Quite by chance. A man I knew in England lent me his rooms in New York. He happened to be a friend of Boyd’s. Boyd came to call on him one night, and found me.’

‘Odd! Had your mutual friend been away from New York long?’

‘Some months.’

‘And in all that time Mr Boyd had not discovered that he had left. They must have been great friends! What happened then?’

‘Boyd invited me down here.’

‘Down here?’

‘They live in this house.’

‘Is Miss Boyd the girl who keeps the bee-farm?’

‘She is.’

Claire’s eyes suddenly lit up. She began to speak in a louder voice:

‘Bill, you’re an infant, a perfect infant! Of course, she’s after your money. Do you really imagine for one instant that this Elizabeth Boyd of yours and her brother don’t know as well as I do that you are really Lord Dawlish? I always thought you had a trustful nature! You tell me the brother met you by chance. Chance! And invited you down here. I bet he did! He knew his business! And now you’re going to marry the girl so that they will get the money after all! Splendid! Oh, Bill, you’re a wonderful, wonderful creature! Your innocence is touching.’

She swung round.

‘Good night,’ she called over her shoulder.

He could hear her laughing as she went down the road.

20

In the smoking-room of Lady Wetherby’s house, chewing the dead stump of a once imposing cigar, Dudley Pickering sat alone with his thoughts. He had been alone for half an hour now. Once Lord Wetherby had looked in, to withdraw at once coldly, with the expression of a groom who has found loathsome things in the harness-room. Roscoe Sherriff, good, easy man, who could never dislike people, no matter what they had done, had come for a while to bear him company; but Mr Pickering’s society was not for the time being entertaining. He had answered with grunts the Press-agent’s kindly attempts at conversation, and the latter Had withdrawn to seek a more congenial audience. And now Mr Pickering was alone, talking things over with his subconscious self.

A man’s subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour. Mr Pickering’s rare interviews with his subconscious self had happened until now almost entirely in the small hours of the night, when it had popped out to remind him, as he lay sleepless, that all flesh was grass and that he was not getting any younger. To-night, such had been the shock of the evening’s events, it came to him at a time which was usually his happiest–the time that lay between dinner and bed. Mr Pickering at that point of the day was generally feeling his best. But to-night was different from the other nights of his life.

One may picture Subconscious Self as a withered, cynical, malicious person standing before Mr Pickering and regarding him with an evil smile. There has been a pause, and now Subconscious Self speaks again:

‘You will have to leave to-morrow. Couldn’t possibly stop on after what’s happened. Now you see what comes of behaving like a boy.’

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