Darral and Geran went to work in the stone quarry. Then, just before
lunch, the south face of the quarry quite suddenly broke away and
fell to the floor of the pit, crushing my nephew, Darral.
Accidents happen all the time, and a stone quarry’s not the safest
place in the world to work, but as it turned out, the death of Darral
was no accident. It was the first hint we had that Chamdar – or
Asharak the Murgo, whichever you prefer – had found us at last.
My grief at Darral’s death almost incapacitated me. Father made it
to Annath in time for the funeral, but I almost completely ignored
him. I was in no mood for platitudes. I stayed in my room for two
weeks, and when I finally came out, father was gone. Alara moved
woodenly about her kitchen, but I didn’t really pay much attention.
I started taking my meals in my room, since I didn’t want to talk
to anybody, much less those who shared my grief.
When I finally did come out, I discovered that Alara had gone
strange on me. I was confident that I could take care of it, but that
was a mistake. No physician should ever treat the illnesses of her
own family, since objectivity is essential in the practice of medicine,
and who can be objective about her own family? I delayed, and by
the time I got around to my diagnosis, it was too late. Of course, it
may have been too late right at the outset, since Alara’s madness
had an outside source.
‘Whatever is the matter, Pol?’ she asked me one afternoon a week
or so after I’d come out of my seclusion. She’d found me with tears
in my eyes and her tone was concerned. ‘Did you hurt yourself?’
She sounded only mildly interested and a little vague.
I looked at her sharply. Her face was placid, and that should have
alerted me right then and there.
‘Come along now, dear,’ she said in a comforting sort of
way’Pull yourself together. It’s time for us to start fixing supper. Darral
will be coming home from work soon, and he’ll be hungry.’
That jerked me back to reality almost immediately. I’d seen this
delusion in others after a death in the family. Sometimes the human
mind does strange things to protect itself. If something’s just too
horrible to contemplate, the mind will refuse to contemplate it. In
Alara’s mind, Darral was still alive, and he’d be coming home for
supper before long.
There are two ways to deal with this not uncommon condition.
My own emotional turmoil caused me to choose the wrong one.
‘Have you forgotten, Alara?’ I said mildly. ‘Darral had to go on a
business trip. He wants to see if he can find more bidders for our
yearly production of stone block.’
‘Why didn’t he tell me?’ She sounded a little hurt.
I reverted to subterfuge at that point. I smacked my forehead with
my palm. ‘It’s my fault, Alara,’ I lied. ‘He came home this morning
– while you were visiting with Ildera. He told me that there were
some builders in Erat he wanted to talk with and that he’d be gone
for a few weeks. There were some wagoners who were going in
that direction, and one of them had offered him a ride. He had to
leave immediately. one of our neighbor ladies fell ill, and I was so
busy with her that I forgot to tell you that Darral was away on
business. I’m very sorry, Alara.’
‘Oh, that’s all right, Pol,’ she forgave me. Then her face brightened.
‘Here’s a thought. Now that Darral won’t be underfoot for a while,
we’ll be able to concentrate on our autumn housecleaning. We’ll
have everything all bright and shiny when he comes home.’
I knew right then that I’d made a mistake, but it was too late
now to correct it. The ‘business trip’ would only reinforce Alara’s
delusion and make it that much harder to cure in the long run.
‘Why don’t you fix us a light supper, dear?’ I suggested. ‘I have to
go tell Ildera something.’
‘All right, Pol. Don’t be too long now.’
I hurried on down to the far end of Annath to the somewhat
blocky cottage Geran had built for him and his bride. Geran was a
conscientious builder who wanted the things he constructed to last,
so there were hints of ‘fortress’ about his cottage. I knocked at the
stout door.
Ildera, blonde and lovely, opened it. ‘Aunt Pol,’ she greeted me.
I glanced around quickly to make sure she was alone. ‘Is there
something the matter?’ she asked.
‘We’ve got a problem, Ildera,’ I told her.
‘Oh?’
‘Alara’s mind has slipped.’
‘Dear Gods!’
‘It’s not dangerous – yet. She’s not raving or anything, but she’s
erased the memory of Darral’s death from her mind. This afternoon
she told me that she was expecting him home for supper.’
‘Oh, Aunt Pol!’ Ildera’s eyes had gone wide. ‘What can we do?’
‘We lie to her, Ildera. I conjured up a story about a business trip
on the spur of the moment – just to get her past suppertime – and
now we’re stuck with it, I’m afraid. Tell Geran about it when he
comes home. We’ll all have to tell Alara the same story. I said that
Darral caught a ride with some wagoners and that he’s going to
Erat to drum up some more business. I came here to make sure that
we’d all be telling her the same story.’
‘We’re going to have to tell her the truth eventually, Aunt Pol.’
‘I’m not so sure about that, Ildera. Darral’s business trip might
have to be protracted.’
‘Can’t you -?’Ildera made a vaguely mysterious gesture intended
to suggest sorcery. The knowledge that I was ‘talented’ had been a
part of Ildera’s indoctrination in our little family, and as is usually
the case, she grossly overestimated the kinds of things I could do
with that talent.
‘I don’t think so, Ildera. The mind’s a very complicated piece of
machinery. If you fix one part of it, you might damage another part
beyond repair. I love Alara too much to start experimenting on her.
There are some combinations of herbs that’ll keep her calm and
happy. I’ll rely on those until I can come up with a safe alternative.’
‘Whatever you think best, Aunt Pol.’ Ildera laughed a bit ruefully.
‘The Gods know that I wouldn’t be very good at it. I can’t even dig
a splinter out of my own finger.’ Then her expression grew serious.
‘You do realize that this means that we’ll have to isolate her from
the rest of the village, don’t you? One wrong word could destroy
her sanity for good.’
‘I’ll work on that,’ I promised her. ‘Tell Geran about this, and tell
him that I’ll take care of it. I don’t want him sticking his nose into
it. That wrong word you mentioned could come from him just as
easily as from some village gossip.’
‘I don’t think he’ll cause you any problems there, Aunt Pol. He’s
so busy examining every inch of the south face of the quarry for
the flaw that caused that rock-slide that he can’t even think about
anything else.’
‘As long as it keeps him out of the way. Oh, my father sent word
that he’ll be visiting us again soon. If he stops here before he comes
on up to our house, tell him about Alara’s condition and how we’re
dealing with it. Warn him that I’ll rip out his beard if he interferes.’
‘Aunt Pol!’
‘Well, part of it, anyway. I’d better get on back home. One of us
is going to have to stay with Alara almost constantly from now on.’
Father arrived two days later, but I didn’t want to talk with him
in front of Alara. ‘Get out of here, father!’ I ordered. ‘I’m busy. GO
talk with Geran and Ildera. They’ll tell you what’s happening.’ I
pointed at the door. ‘Out!’ I commanded.
Father, of course, totally misunderstood. He assumed that my
outburst was the result of my ongoing grief, and he was wrong. I
had something much more important to deal with.
Later that day I sent ffor Ildera, and she sat with her mother-in-law
while I took father out to the edge of the forest so that we could
talk.
‘She’s completely insane?’ Father sighed when I told him about
Alara’s condition.
‘I didn’t say that, Old Wolf. All I said was that she’s blocked out
the fact that she’s a widow.’
‘That sounds fairly insane to me, Pol.’
‘You really don’t know what you’re talking about, father.
Insanity’s rarely total. Alara’s illness is limited to one fact. Aside
from that, she’s perfectly all right.’
‘Your definition of “all right” is worlds apart from mine, Pol.
How long do you plan to let this go on?’