Retief! By Keith Laumer

“I am Fith, of the Terrestrial Desk, Ministry of Foreign Affairs,” the taller Groacian said, in lisping Terran. “May I present Shluh, of the Internal Police.”

“Sit down, gentlemen,” Retief said. They resumed their seats. Miss Meuhl hovered nervously, then sat down on the edge of a chair.

“Oh, it’s such a pleasure—” she began.

“Never mind that,” Retief said. “These gentlemen didn’t come here to sip tea today.”

“True,” Fith rasped. “Frankly, I have had a most disturbing report, Mr. Consul. I shall ask Shluh to recount it.” He nodded to the police chief.

“One hour ago,” Shluh said, “a Groacian national was brought to hospital suffering from serious contusions. Questioning of this individual revealed that he had been set upon and beaten by a foreigner; a Terrestrial, to be precise. Investigation by my Department indicates that the description of the culprit closely matches that of the Terrestrial Consul . . .”

Miss Meuhl gasped audibly.

“Have you ever heard,” Retief said, looking steadily at Fith, “of a Terrestrial cruiser, the ISV Terrific, which dropped from sight in this sector nine years ago?”

“Really!” Miss Meuhl exclaimed, rising, “I wash my hands—”

“Just keep that recorder going,” Retief snapped.

“I’ll not be a party—”

“You’ll do as you’re told, Miss Meuhl,” Retief said quietly. “I’m telling you to make an official sealed record of this conversation.”

Miss Meuhl sat down.

Fith puffed out his throat indignantly. “You re-open an old wound, Mr. Consul. It reminds us of certain illegal treatment at Terrestrial hands.”

“Hogwash,” Retief said. “That tune went over with my predecessors, but it hits a sour note with me.”

“All our efforts,” Miss Meuhl said, “to live down that terrible episode; and you—”

“Terrible? I understand that a Terrestrial Peace Enforcer stood off Groac and sent a delegation down to ask questions. They got some funny answers and stayed on to dig around a little. After a week, they left. Somewhat annoying to you Groaci, if you were innocent—”

“If!” Miss Meuhl burst out.

“If, indeed,” Fith said, his weak voice trembling. “I must protest your—”

“Save your protests, Fith. You have some explaining to do, and I don’t think your story will be good enough.”

“It is for you to explain; this person who was beaten—”

“Not beaten; just rapped a few times to loosen his memory.”

“Then you admit—”

“It worked, too. He remembered lots of things, once he put his mind to it.”

Fith rose, Shluh followed suit.

“I shall ask for your immediate recall, Mr. Consul. Were it not for your diplomatic immunity, I should—”

“Why did the Government fall, Fith, just after the Task Force paid its visit, and before the arrival of the first Terrestrial diplomatic mission?”

“This is an internal matter,” Fith cried, in his faint Groacian voice. “The new regime has shown itself most amiable to you Terrestrials; it has outdone itself—”

“—to keep the Terrestrial Consul and his staff in the dark,” Retief said, “and the same goes for the few Terrestrial businessmen you’ve given visas. This continual round of culture; no social contacts outside the diplomatic circle; no travel permits to visit outlying districts or your satellite—”

“Enough!” Fith’s mandibles quivered in distress. “I can talk no more of this matter.”

“You’ll talk to me, or there’ll be a squadron of Peace Enforcers here in five days to do the talking,” Retief said.

“You can’t—” Miss Meuhl gasped.

Retief turned a steady look on Miss Meuhl. She closed her mouth. The Groaci sat down.

“Answer me this one,” Retief said, looking at Shluh. “A few years back—nine, to be exact—there was a little parade held here. Some curious-looking creatures were captured, and after being securely caged, were exhibited to the gentle Groacian public. Hauled through the streets. Very educational, no doubt. A highly cultural show.

“Funny thing about these animals: they wore clothes, seemed to communicate with each other. Altogether a very amusing exhibit.

“Tell me, Shluh, what happened to those six Terrestrials after the parade was over?”

Fith made a choked noise, then spoke rapidly to Shluh in Groacian. Shluh, retracting his eyes, shrank down in his chair. Miss Meuhl opened her mouth, then closed it.

“How did they die?” Retief snapped. “Did you cut their throats, shoot them, bury them alive? What amusing end did you figure out for them? Research, maybe. Cut them open to see what made them yell . . .”

“No,” Fith gasped. “I must correct this terrible false impression at once.”

“False impression, hell,” Retief said. “They were Terrans; a simple narco-interrogation would get that out of any Groacian who saw the parade.”

“Yes,” Fith said weakly. “It is true, they were Terrestrials. But there was no killing—”

“They’re alive?”

“Alas, no. They . . . died.”

“I see,” Retief said. “They died.”

“We tried to keep them alive, of course; but we did not know what foods—”

“Didn’t take the trouble to find out.”

“They fell ill,” Fith said. “One by one . . .”

“We’ll deal with that question later,” Retief said. “Right now, I want more information. Where did you get them? Where did you hide the ship? What happened to the rest of the crew? Did they `fall ill’ before the big parade?”

“There were no more! Absolutely, I assure you!”

“Killed in the crash landing?”

“No crash landing. The ship descended intact, east of the city. The . . . Terrestrials . . . were unharmed. Naturally, we feared them; they were strange to us. We had never before seen such beings.”

“Stepped off the ship with guns blazing, did they?”

“Guns? No, no guns—”

“They raised their hands, didn’t they, asked for help? You helped them; helped them to death.”

“How could we know?” Fith moaned.

“How could you know a flotilla would show up in a few months looking for them, you mean? That was a shock, wasn’t it? I’ll bet you had a brisk time of it hiding the ship, and shutting everybody up. A close call, eh?”

“We were afraid,” Shluh said. “We are a simple people. We feared the strange creatures from the alien craft. We did not kill them, but we felt it was as well that they . . . did not survive. Then, when the warships came, we realized our error, but we feared to speak. We purged our guilty leaders, concealed what had happened, and . . . offered our friendship. We invited the opening of diplomatic relations. We made a blunder, it is true, a great blunder. But we have tried to make amends . . .”

“Where is the ship?”

“The ship?”

“What did you do with it? It was too big to just walk off and forget. Where is it?”

The two Groacians exchanged looks.

“We wish to show our contrition,” Fith said. “We will show you the ship.”

“Miss Meuhl,” Retief said. “If I don’t come back in a reasonable length of time, transmit that recording to Sector Headquarters, sealed.” He stood and looked at the Groaci.

“Let’s go,” he said.

* * *

Retief stooped under the heavy timbers shoring the entry to the cavern and peered into the gloom at the curving flank of the space-burned hull.

“Any lights in here?” he asked.

A Groacian threw a switch and a weak bluish glow sprang up. Retief walked along the raised wooden catwalk, studying the ship. Empty emplacements gaped below lenseless scanner eyes. Littered decking was visible within the half-open entry port. Near the bow the words `IVS Terrific B7 New Terra’ were lettered in bright chrome duralloy.

“How did you get it in here?” Retief asked.

“It was hauled here from the landing point, some nine miles distant,” Fith said, his voice thinner than ever. “This is a natural crevasse; the vessel was lowered into it and roofed over.”

“How did you shield it so the detectors didn’t pick it up?”

“All here is high-grade iron-ore,” Fith said, waving a member. “Great veins of almost pure metal.”

“Let’s go inside.”

Shluh came forward with a hand-lamp. The party entered the ship. Retief clambered up a narrow companionway and glanced around the interior of the control compartment. Dust was thick on the deck, the stanchions where acceleration couches had been mounted, the empty instrument panels, the litter of sheared bolts, and on scraps of wire and paper. A thin frosting of rust dulled the exposed metal where cutting torches had sliced away heavy shielding. There was a faint odor of stale bedding.

“The cargo compartment—” Shluh began.

“I’ve seen enough,” Retief said. Silently, the Groacians led the way back out through the tunnel and into the late afternoon sunshine. As they climbed the slope to the steam car, Fith came to Retief’s side.

“Indeed I hope that this will be the end of this unfortunate affair,” he said. “Now that all has been fully and honestly shown.”

“You can skip all that,” Retief said. “You’re nine years late. The crew was still alive when the Task Force called, I imagine. You killed them—or let them die—rather than take the chance of admitting what you’d done.”

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