Retief! By Keith Laumer

“Them Voion throwing thunderbolts now, for sure!” a Ween said. “Come nigh to melting my tail wheel down!” He displayed the two-inch coaster depending from the tip of his anterior segment.

“Hoo! It melted half away!” Jik-jik looked at Retief. “What this mean, War Chief?”

“It means the Federated Tribes are in trouble,” he said. “The Voion are using guns.”

“Where’d they get those whatchacallums, guns?” a Clute inquired. “I ain’t never hear of nothing like that before. Melt a fellow down before he gets in harpoon range.”

“I’m afraid there’s been some meddling in Quopp’s internal affairs,” Retief said. “After we’ve cured the Voion of their interest in governing the planet, we’ll have to reverse that trend.” He looked over the delegation.

“I see you’ve picked up a few recruits. How did you manage it?”

“Well, Tief-tief,” Jik-jik announced. “I got to thinking about my uncle Lub-lub and some of them other Ween in the next village, so I bribed a Phip to scatter over there and invite ’em to join the party. Seem like word got around, because volunteers done been coming in all day. Them Voion sure is got a heap of folks riled at ’em.”

“Nice work, Jik-jik—you, too, Tupper.”

“What about me?” Fufu demanded. “While I was out on patrol, I caught a nosy Voion creeping up on us and flattened him single-wheeled!”

“Way I heard it, you was sneaking off the back way and run into the whole Voion army,” Fut-fut commented. “It scare you so bad you come rolling back fast!”

“The idea! I’d just slipped away for a little solitary contemplation—”

“We’ll compose a suitable military history of the operation later,” Retief interposed. “We’ll put in all the things we wish we’d done, and leave out the embarrassing mistakes. For now, we’ll stick to practical politics.”

“Ain’t nothing practical about the fix us in,” Jik-jik stated. “Us done cut our way right into a trap. They is got us outnumbered a six of sixes to one or I is a Voob’s nephew.”

“I resent that, you!” a small red-orange Quoppina said cockily, snapping a couple of medium-sized claws at the Ween. “We Voob—”

“Even you Voob can see they packed together out there like grubs in a brood-rack—”

“Watch y’r language, ye Wormless cannibal—” a Zilk grated.

“No bickering,” Retief broke in. “Tonight we’re all Quoppina together, or tomorrow we’ll be spare parts!”

* * *

It was full dark now. A pale glow in the south announced the imminent appearance of Joop. A Phip, its tiny pale green running lights glowing, dropped in, rotors whining, to settle on Retief’s outstretched arm.

“Ween-ween set-set,” it reported in a penny-whistle chirp. “Zilk-zilk chop-chop, Flink-flink swing-swing!”

“All right, we’re as ready as we’ll ever be,” Retief said softly to Jik-jik, standing by with the other members of the general staff, one from each of the tribes now represented in the Federation, plus Leon, Fifi, and Seymour.

Retief swung up onto Fufu’s back. “Leon, wait until our diversion has penetrated as far as the edge of the jungle; then hit them with all the firepower we’ve got. With a little luck, they might panic and pull out.”

“And if a Dink had rotors, he wouldn’t spin his wheels so much,” a Blang muttered.

“All right, you Quoppina in the commando party; don’t do anything brave and don’t get captured,” Retief directed. “Just stick to the plan and try to cause as much confusion as possible.”

“Let’s go,” a Flink mounted astride a Jackoo whined. “Already nervous prostitution I got.”

“All right—roll out!” Fufu huffed and started forward, rolling over a mat of flattened Voion, bursting out through the broached fence, sending Voion flying. Ahead, the suddenly aroused enemy were closing in, clubs waving and here and there the wink of a power gun, firing with wild inaccuracy.

Retief crouched over Fufu’s neck, his sword held extended low on the right side. A Voion darted into his path, raised a gun—and slammed back as the point took him under the chest-plates. Another leveled a spear, jumped aside in the nick of time as Fufu thundered past, the others of the assault column close behind.

“Those city wheels,” Fufu snorted. “No good at all for this sort of thing!” A Voion dashing to firing position among the trees ahead threw up his arms, arced gracefully into the air, paused, started a return swing, suspended by the neck from a length of purple rope. Another veered suddenly as a filmy net dropped to engulf him, went head over wheels in a cloud of dead leaves, tripping a pair of comrades.

“Those Flink are a caution,” Fufu panted. “Shall I head back out now?”

“Affirmative—and look out for that big fellow with the harpoon—”

Fufu honked, swerved as a long barb-headed spear shot past his head, clattered off his side.

“Tief-tief, are you all right?” he shouted.

“Sure; nice dodging!” The Jackoo curving back now, racing through the trees for the shelter of the stockade. Behind him, Voion non-coms shrilled commands; a steady fire slashed after the retreating heavyweights. Fufu shied as a beam flicked across his flank, shifted into high gear.

“Yiiiii!” he bucked wildly. “That stings!”

Retief looked back; a pack of Voion were in close pursuit; light winked as they fired at the run, keeping to the six foot trail flattened by Fufu’s hasty passage. More Voion packed the way ahead. Fufu plowed into the press, dozing the hapless Planetary forces aside like Indian clubs—but more popped up to fill their places.

“I’m getting . . . winded,” the heavy mount called back over his shoulder. “There are so many of them . . .”

“Break it off, Fufu,” Retief came back. “Looks like we can’t make the stockade; we’ll take to the woods and harass their flanks . . .”

“I’ll try—but . . . I’m almost . . . pooped . . .”

“As soon as you hit the edge of the jungle, we’ll form up a defensive ring,” Retief called. He countered a swinging club in the grip of a Voion, ducked under a spear thrust, leaned aside from the flare of a power gun. Behind him, the other Jackoo of the detachment were in similar straits, hemmed in from all sides by a crushing press of Voion, those behind forcing the front rank unwillingly under the flattening treads of the heavy creatures.

“We’ll form a circle,” he shouted back to them. “Close spacing, and heads facing out; you Flink dismount and beat them off as long as you can!”

At the edge of the jungle now, Fufu wheezed to a halt; Bubu came alongside, wheeled to face the forward-surging enemy; the others quickly took up positions to complete the ring. The oncoming Voion met wild swings from the embattled Jackoo’s digging members, supported by vigorous resistance from Flink-wielded clubs and spears, captured from the Voion. Retief wrenched a power gun from the grip of a Voion who had managed to evade Fufu’s shovel-tipped arms, blasted him with it, then downed another. A heap of damaged Voion grew around the tiny fortress; now the Voion attackers were forced to scale a mound of casualties to fire down into the enclosure.

Beside Retief, one Flink after another yelled, toppled backward, smoking from a hit. The few remaining rebels had all captured guns now; they fired steadily, but nearly as inaccurately as the Voion. Retief picked off one attacker after another, while the weapon grew hot in his hand. Then it buzzed dolefully and died. A Voion above him took aim, and Retief threw the gun, saw it clang off the Voion’s armored head, knocking him backward—

There was a sudden change in the quality of the sounds of conflict: a high, thin shriek cut through the squalling of the Voion and the crackle of gunfire and fiercely burning metallo-wood. Dust rose in a swirl; a miniature tornado seemed to press at the crowded Voion, then hurl them backward.

Into the cleared patch thus created, something vast and dark slammed down with a ground-shaking impact, a boom! like a falling cliff. In the stunned silence that followed, pieces rattled down all around as shrill Voion cries rang out. Dust rolled away to show the pulverized remains of a Rhoon scattered across the field among windrows of felled Voion. A second huge dark shape appeared, beating across the scene of battle at low level, rotors hammering. The bright flash of a power gun winked above its lights.

“That does it, Tief-tief,” Ozzl gasped. “Who could fight lightning from the sky?”

Something dropped from the Rhoon’s underside, slammed down among the Voion, bounced high, hit again, cutting a swathe through ranks still stunned by the crash of the first of the giant creatures.

“Tief-tief!” a vast voice boomed, floating across the sky as the Rhoon lifted. “Tief-tief . . .”

“Listen!” Ozzl choked. “He’s—he’s calling you? What could it mean?”

Retief jumped up on Fufu’s broad back. All around, the Voion were breaking and fleeing now, while the steady crackle and bzzapp! of power guns sounded from the vast dark shadows hanging above on hammering rotors.

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