Retief! By Keith Laumer

“We were at fault,” Fith said abjectly. “Now we wish only friendship.”

“The Terrific was a heavy cruiser, about twenty thousand tons.” Retief looked grimly at the slender Foreign Office official. “Where is she, Fith? I won’t settle for a hundred-ton lifeboat.”

Fith erected his eye stalks so violently that one eye-shield fell off.

“I know nothing of . . . of . . .” He stopped. His throat vibrated rapidly as he struggled for calm.

“My government can entertain no further accusations, Mr. Consul,” he said at last. “I have been completely candid with you, I have overlooked your probing into matters not properly within your sphere of responsibility. My patience is at an end.”

“Where is that ship?” Retief rapped out. “You never learn, do you? You’re still convinced you can hide the whole thing and forget it. I’m telling you you can’t.”

“We return to the city now,” Fith said. “I can do no more.”

“You can and you will, Fith,” Retief said. “I intend to get to the truth of this matter.”

Fith spoke to Shluh in rapid Groacian. The police chief gestured to his four armed constables. They moved to ring Retief in.

Retief eyed Fith. “Don’t try it,” he said. “You’ll just get yourself in deeper.”

Fith clacked his mandibles angrily, his eye stalks canted aggressively toward the Terrestrial.

“Out of deference to your diplomatic status, Terrestrial, I shall ignore your insulting implications,” Fith said in his reedy voice. “We will now return to the city.”

Retief looked at the four policemen. “Sure,” he said. “We’ll cover the details later.”

Fith followed him into the car and sat rigidly at the far end of the seat.

“I advise you to remain very close to your Consulate,” Fith said. “I advise you to dismiss these fancies from your mind, and to enjoy the cultural aspects of life at Groac. Especially, I should not venture out of the city, or appear overly curious about matters of concern only to the Groacian government.”

In the front seat, Shluh looked straight ahead. The loosely-sprung vehicle bobbed and swayed along the narrow highway. Retief listened to the rhythmic puffing of the motor and said nothing.

* * *

“Miss Meuhl,” Retief said, “I want you to listen carefully to what I’m going to tell you. I have to move rapidly now, to catch the Groaci off guard.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Miss Meuhl snapped, her eyes sharp behind the heavy lenses.

“If you’ll listen, you may find out,” Retief said. “I have no time to waste, Miss Meuhl. They won’t be expecting an immediate move—I hope—and that may give me the latitude I need.”

“You’re still determined to make an issue of that incident.” Miss Meuhl snorted. “I really can hardly blame the Groaci; they are not a sophisticated race; they had never before met aliens.”

“You’re ready to forgive a great deal, Miss Meuhl. But it’s not what happened nine years ago I’m concerned with. It’s what’s happening now. I’ve told you that it was only a lifeboat the Groaci have hidden out. Don’t you understand the implication? That vessel couldn’t have come far; the cruiser itself must be somewhere nearby. I want to know where.”

“The Groaci don’t know. They’re a very cultured, gentle people. You can do irreparable harm to the Terrestrial image if you insist—”

“We’re wasting time,” Retief said, as he crossed the room to his desk, opened a drawer, and took out a slim-barreled needler.

“This office is being watched; not very efficiently, if I know the Groaci. I think I can get past them all right.”

“Where are you going with . . . that?” Miss Meuhl stared at the needler. “What in the world—”

“The Groaci won’t waste any time destroying every piece of paper in their files relating to this affair. I have to get what I need before it’s too late. If I wait for an official Enquiry Commission, they’ll find nothing but blank smiles.”

“You’re out of your mind!” Miss Meuhl stood up, quivering with indignation. “You’re like a . . . a . . .”

“You and I are in a tight spot, Miss Meuhl. The logical next move for the Groaci is to dispose of both of us. We’re the only ones who know what happened. Fith almost did the job this afternoon, but I bluffed him out—for the moment.”

Miss Meuhl emitted a shrill laugh. “Your fantasies are getting the better of you,” she gasped. “In danger, indeed! Disposing of me! I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous.”

“Stay in this office. Close and safe-lock the door. You’ve got food and water in the dispenser. I suggest you stock up, before they shut the supply down. Don’t let anyone in, on any pretext whatever. I’ll keep in touch with you via handphone.”

“What are you planning to do?”

“If I don’t make it back here, transmit the sealed record of this afternoon’s conversation, along with the information I’ve given you. Beam it through on a Mayday priority. Then tell the Groaci what you’ve done and sit tight. I think you’ll be all right. It won’t be easy to blast in here and anyway, they won’t make things worse by killing you in an obvious way. A Force can be here in a week.”

“I’ll do nothing of the sort! The Groaci are very fond of me! You . . . Johnny-come-lately! Roughneck! Setting out to destroy—”

“Blame it on me if it will make you feel any better,” Retief said, “but don’t be fool enough to trust them.” He pulled on a cape, and opened the door.

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” he said. Miss Meuhl stared after him silently as he closed the door.

* * *

It was an hour before dawn when Retief keyed the combination to the safe-lock and stepped into the darkened Consular office. Miss Meuhl, dozing in a chair, awoke with a start. She looked at Retief, rose, snapped on a light, and turned to stare.

“What in the world— Where have you been? What’s happened to your clothing?”

“I got a little dirty—don’t worry about it.” Retief went to his desk, opened a drawer, and replaced the needler.

“Where have you been?” Miss Meuhl demanded. “I stayed here.”

“I’m glad you did,” Retief said. “I hope you piled up a supply of food and water from the dispenser, too. We’ll be holed up here for a week, at least.” He jotted figures on a pad. “Warm up the official sender. I have a long transmission for Sector Headquarters.”

“Are you going to tell me where you’ve been?”

“I have a message to get off first, Miss Meuhl,” Retief said sharply. “I’ve been to the Foreign Ministry,” he added. “I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“At this hour? There’s no one there.”

“Exactly.”

Miss Meuhl gasped. “You mean you broke in? You burgled the Foreign Office?”

“That’s right,” Retief said calmly. “Now—”

“This is absolutely the end,” Miss Meuhl said. “Thank heaven I’ve already—”

“Get that sender going, woman! This is important.”

“I’ve already done so, Mr. Retief!” Miss Meuhl said harshly. “I’ve been waiting for you to come back here.” She turned to the communicator and flipped levers. The screen snapped aglow, and a wavering long-distance image appeared.

“He’s here now,” Miss Meuhl said to the screen. She looked at Retief triumphantly.

“That’s good,” said Retief. “I don’t think the Groaci can knock us off the air, but—”

“I have done my duty, Mr. Retief; I made a full report of your activities to Sector Headquarters last night, as soon as you left this office. Any doubts I may have had as to the rightness of my decision have been completely dispelled by what you’ve just told me.”

Retief looked at her levelly. “You’ve been a busy girl, Miss Meuhl. Did you mention the six Terrestrials who were killed here?”

“That had no bearing on the matter of your wild behavior. I must say, in all my years in the Corps, I’ve never encountered a personality less suited to diplomatic work.”

The screen crackled, the ten-second transmission lag having elapsed. “Mr. Retief,” the face on the screen said sternly, “I am Counselor Nitworth, DSO-1, Deputy Under-Secretary for the Sector. I have received a report on your conduct which makes it mandatory for me to relieve you administratively. Pending the findings of a Board of Inquiry, you will—”

Retief reached out and snapped off the communicator. The triumphant look faded from Miss Meuhl’s face.

“Why, what is the meaning—”

“If I’d listened any longer, I might have heard something I couldn’t ignore. I can’t afford that, at this moment. Listen, Miss Meuhl,” Retief went on earnestly, “I’ve found the missing cruiser. It’s—”

“You heard him relieve you!”

“I heard him say he was going to, Miss Meuhl. But until I’ve heard and acknowledged a verbal order, it has no force. If I’m wrong, he’ll get my resignation. If I’m right, that suspension would be embarrassing all around.”

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