Some Buried Caesar by Rex Stout

It is obvious at what point such a scheme might have entered

Clyde’s mind. Yesterday afternoon he was sitting on the

pasture fence, looking at Hickory Caesar Grindon through his

binoculars. It occurred to him that there was a bull of similar

general appearance, size and markings, either in his father’s

herd or among the collection at the exposition, which he had

just come from; and that accidental reflection blossomed into

an idea. Chased away from the pasture, he went to the

house and made the wager with Mr. Pratt. Followed from

the terrace to his car by you, he called you aside and made

a proposal.”

Wolfe sighed. “At least he might have. Let’s say his pro-

posal was that he should, with your consent, remove Caesar

and put another bull in his place. He would take Caesar

to the Osgood barns. You would, during Tuesday, help to

guard the substitute so that no one who would be at all

likely to notice the deception would be permitted to approach

too closely. With the substitute once butchered, on Wednes-

day, the danger would of course be over. On Thursday Mr.

Pratt and his guests, with trumpets of publicity, would eat

the barbecued bull. On Sunday, with the week expired,

Clyde would present Mr. Pratt with irrefutable evidence

that it was not Caesar who had been sacrificed and that he

had therefore won the bet. Mr. Pratt would of course ex-

plode with rage, but in the end he would have to compose

himself and admit his helplessness and pay the $10,000, for if

the facts were made public the roar of laughter would obliter-

ate him. Customers in a pratteria would say, ‘Do you suppose

this is really beef? It may be woodchuck.’ Mr. Pratt would

have to pay and keep his mouth shut. He couldn’t even take

Caesar back, for what would he do with him? Clyde Osgood

would get the $10,000, and doubtless a part of his pro-

posal would be that you would get Caesar. I don’t know how

that would work out, since officially Caesar would be dead

but there might be a way around that difficulty, and as a

minimum benefit you could breed his exceptional qualities into

your herd.”

Wolfe intertwined his fingers at his abdominal peak. “That,

of course, is merely the outline of the proposal. Clyde had

probably developed it in detail, including the time and

manner of shuffling the bulls. The most auspicious time for

that would have been after 1 o’clock, when you would be

the one on guard, but you might have refused to involve your-

self to that extent; and therefore one possibility is that the

shuffling was set for earlier and had actually taken place.

Caesar may be alive at this moment. The bull who died of

anthrax may have been only a substitute. I offer that only

as a conjecture; obviously it is tenable only on the supposition

that you agreed to Clyde’s proposal and entered into his

scheme … and you know more about that than I do. But

leaving that entirely aside, what do you think of the scheme

itself? Do you detect any flaws?”

McMillan was eying him with a grim smile. He said calmly,

“You’re slick, aren’t you?”

“Moderately.” White’s eyes closed and came half open

again. “But don’t make the mistake of supposing that I’m

trying to waylay you. I may be passably slick, but my favorite

weapon is candor. Here is my position, sir. I can account satis-

factorily for Clyde’s expectation of winning that bet only by

assuming that he concocted such plan as I have outlined.

If he did so, you either acceded or refused. In either case,

I would like to know what he said. Don’t think I am in-

sulting you by reckoning that you might have withheld facts

from Mr. Waddell. I would myself be reluctant to trust him

with a fact of any delicacy. I appeal to you, did Clyde make

you a proposal, and did you accept or decline?”

McMillan still wore the grim smile. “You’re slick all

right. Maybe the next thing is, did I murder him? Maybe I

murdered him because he insulted me?”

‘Tm never facetious about murder. Besides, I haven’t got

to the murder yet. I need first to justify Clyde’s optimism

about his bet, and establish what he came here to do or

whom to see. Did he make you a proposal?”

“No.” McMillan abruptly stood up.

Wolfe lifted his brows. “Going?”

I don’t see much point in staying. I came as a favor

to Fred Osgood.”

“And as a favor to him, you have no information at all

that might help? Nothing that might explain—”

“No. I can’t explain a damn thing.” The stockman took

three heavy steps and turned. “Neither can you,” he declared,

“by trying to smear any of the mess on me.”

He strode to the door and opened it, and it closed after

him.

Wolfe sighed, shut his eyes, and sat. I stood and looked

at him a minute, detecting none of the subtle signs of glee

or triumph on his map, and then treated myself to a healthy

sigh and got busy with the trays. Not being sure whether a

maid was supposed to be available at 10 o’clock at night,

and not liking to dump the trays in the hall, I got them

perched on my arms and sought the back stairs. That was a

blunder, because the stairs were a little narrow and I nearly

got stuck on a turn. But I navigated to the kitchen without

disaster, unloaded, and proceeded via the pantry and dining

room to the main hall. There was a light in the library, and

through the open door I saw Howard Bronson reading a

newspaper. No one else was visible, and I completed the

circuit back. to Wolfe’s room by way of the main stair.

He was still dormant. I sat down and yawned, and said:

“It is in the; bag. Lily killed him, thinking that by erasing evi-

dence of her past she could purify herself and perhaps some

day be worthy of me. Caroline killed him to practise her

fellow-through. Jimmy killed him to erase Lily’s past, making

twice for that one motive. Pratt killed him to annoy Mr. Os-

good. McMillan killed him because the substitute he brought

for Caesar proved to be a cow. Dave killed him—”

“Confound it, Archie, shut up.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll close it forever and seal the crack with rubber

cement the minute you explain at what time and by what

process you got this nice little case like that.” I doubled my

fist, but the gesture was wasted because he didn’t open his

eyes.

He was in bad shape, for he muttered mildly, “I did

have it like that.”

“What became of it?”

“It went up in fire and smoke.”

“The bull motif again. Phooey. Try and persuade me …

and incidentally, why don’t you stop telling people that I

steered your car into a tree and demolished it? What good

do you expect to accomplish by puerile paroxysms like that?

To go back to this case you’ve dragged us into through your

absolute frenzy to find an adequate chair to sit on, I suppose

now it’s hopeless? I suppose these hicks are going to enjoy

the refreshing sight of Nero Wolfe heading south Thursday

morning with his tail between his legs? Or shall I go on with

the list until I offer one that strikes your fancy? Dave killed

him because he missed breakfast the day he was fired two

years ago and has never caught up. Bronson killed him …

by the way, I just saw Mr. Bronson—”

“Bronson?”

“Yep. In the library reading a newspaper as if he owned

the place.”

“Go and get him.” Wolfe stirred and his eyes threatened

to open. “Bring him here.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

I arose and sallied forth. But on my way downstairs it oc-

curred to me that I might as well make arrangements in case

of a prolonged session, so I went to the kitchen first and ab-

ducted a pitcher of Advanced Register Guernsey milk from the

refrigerator. With that in my hand, I strutted on to the library

and told Bronson I hated to interrupt him but that Mr. Wolfe

had expressed a desire for his company.

He looked amused and put down his newspaper and said

he had begun to fear he was going to be slighted.

“No sirree,” I said. “He’ll banish that fear easy.”

13

HE SAT in the chair McMillan had vacated and

continued to look tolerably amused. Wolfe, im-

movable, with his eyes nearly shut, appeared to be more than

half asleep, which may or may not have deceived Bronson

but didn’t deceive me. I yawned. With the angle of the light

striking Bronson as it did, his nose looked blunter than it had

on the veranda, as if it had at some time been permanently

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