Some Buried Caesar by Rex Stout

sisted—”

“Come on, beat it. Ten people have stopped to look in here

at us in the last three minutes.”

“But I’ve got to know—”

“Damn it, do what I say!”

“Please, Jimmy.”

He took her hand and looked her in the eye and said her

name twice as if he was leaving her bound to a railroad track,

and tore himself away. I told her to come on and left the stall

and turned right with her, toward the door by which I had

entered. Outside I took her elbow and talked as we walked:

“I’ve got work to do and I’m leaving you. You’ve acted like

a female nincompoop. It’s true that emotions are emotions,

but brains are also brains. To go running to Jimmy Pratt for

help when you already had Nero Wolfe’s! You get away from

here. I suppose you have a date to meet your father some-

where. If so, go there and wait for him and practice thinking.”

“But I haven’t … you talk as if—”

“I don’t talk as if anything. Don’t worry about how I talk.

Here’s where I turn off. See you in kindergarten.”

I left her in the middle of a crowd, thinking that was as

good a place as any, and elbowed my way across the current

to where I could make better time without displaying any in-

dications of panic. It took less than five minutes to get from

there to the Methodist tent. Wolfe was still there, at the table,

looking massively forlorn on the folding chair. He had prob-

ably never before digested good food under such difficult cir-

cumstances.

He frowned up at me. “Well? Mr. Bennett?”

I sat down and nodded and restrained my voice. “I have

to make a brief but tiresome report. Item 1, Mr. Bennett will

be here in 10 minutes or so. He said. Item 2, I found Nancy

Osgood and Jimmy Pratt in a cowshed, discussing means of

getting the paper which I have in my pocket. Item 3, in the

same shed I found Mr. Bronson lying under a pile of straw,

dead, with a pitchfork stuck through his heart. No one knows

of the last item but me … or didn’t when I left.”

Wolfe’s eyes went shut, then came half-open again. He

heaved a deep sigh. “The fool. I told that man he was a fool.”

I NODDED. “Yeah. You also told him you were be-

ginning to suspect that he was engaged in an en-

terprise which might prove to be a big blunder. Madam

Shasta, in a booth down the line, calls it reading the future

and charges a dime for it.” I fished for a pair of nickels and

shoved them across at him. “I’ll bite. How did you know it?”

He ignored my offer. “Confound it,” he muttered. “Too late

again. I should have phoned Saul or Fred last evening to

take a night train. Bronson should have been followed this

morning. Once compelled to talk, he would have been all the

evidence we needed. I am not myself, Archie. How the devil

can I be, dashing around in all this furor … I have that

scoundrel Shanks to thank for it. Well.” He sighed again.

“You say no one knows it?”

“Correct. Except the guy that did it. I was waiting around

for Bennett and saw Nancy enter a cowshed and followed her

in. She joined Jimmy Pratt in a stall which also contained a

pile of straw. I made it three and we conversed. A cow nurse

came and removed part of the straw, exposing a shoe and a

trouser cuff. No one saw it but me and I kicked straw over

it. A pitchfork was thrust into the pile, upright, with straw

covering it part way up the handle, and I took a sounding

with my hand and discovered what its pincushion was. Right

through his chest. His pump was gone. I accused Romeo and

Juliet of indiscretion and hustled them out in separate direc-

tions, and came here.”

“Then the discovery awaits removal of more straw.”

“Yes. Which may have already happened, or may not occur

until tomorrow.”

“But probably sooner. You came away to escape clamor?”

“To notify you. And to tell you about Bennett. And to save

Nancy from being annoyed, by her father for the company

she keeps, and by the cops for practically sitting on a corpse.”

“You were all seen by the man who removed the straw.”

“Sure, and by various others. Shall I go back now and dis-

cover him?”

Wolfe shook his head. ‘That wouldn’t help. Nor, probably,

will there be a trail for the official pack, so there’s no hurry.

I wouldn’t have guessed Bronson would be idiot enough to

give him such a chance, but of course he had to meet him

somewhere. But it is now all the more imperative—ah, thank

goodness! Good afternoon, sir.”

Lew Bennett, still in his shirt sleeves, out of breath, stood

beside him and curtly acknowledged the greeting. “You want

to see me? Worst time you could have picked. The very

worst.”

“So Mr. Goodwin has told me. I’m sorry, but I can’t help it.

Be seated, sir. Have some coffee?”

“I’ll just stand. If I once sat down … what do you want?”

“Have you had lunch?”

“No.”

“Preposterous.” Wolfe shook his head at him. “In the midst

of the most difficult and chaotic problems, I never missed a

meal. A stomach too long empty thins the blood and discon-

certs the brain.—Archie, order a portion of the fricassee.—For

God’s sake, sir, sit down.”

I doubt if Wolfe influenced him much, it was the smell of

food. I saw his nostrils quivering. He hesitated, and when I

flagged a Methodist and told her to bring it with an extra

dime’s worth of dumplings, which was an idea Wolfe had in-

vented, he succumbed and dropped into a chair.

Wolfe said, “That’s better. Now. I’ve been hired by Mr. Os-

good to solve a murder, and I need to know some things. You

may think of my questions irrelevant or even asinine; if so

you’ll be wrong. My only serious fault is lethargy, and I toler-

ate Mr. Goodwin, and even pay him, to help me circumvent it.

48 hours ago, Monday afternoon on Mr. Pratt’s terrace, you

told him that there were a dozen members of your league wait-

ing for you to get back, and that when they heard what you

had to say there would be some action taken. You shouted

that at him with conviction. What sort of action did you have

in mind?”

Bennett was staring at him. “Not murder,” he said shortly.

“What has that got—”

“Please.” Wolfe wiggled a finger at him. “I’ve told you

I’m not an ass. I asked you a simple straightforward question.

Can’t you simply answer it? I know you were shouting at Mr.

Pratt in a rage. But what sort of action did you have in mind?”

“No sort.”

“Nothing whatever?”

“Nothing specific. I was furious. We all were. What he

intended to do was the most damnable outrage and insult—”

“I know. Granting your viewpoint, I agree. But hadn’t

ways and means of preventing it been discussed? For example,

had anyone suggested the possibility of removing Hickory

Caesar Grindon secretly and putting another bull in his

place?”

Bennett started to speak, and stopped. His eyes looked

wary. “No,” he said curtly.

Wolfe sighed. “All right. I wish you would understand that

I’m investigating a murder, not a conspiracy to defraud. You

should eat those dumplings hot. It might be better to let

this wait until you’re through—”

“Go ahead. When I’m through I’m going.”

“Very well. I didn’t ask if some of you had substituted an-

other bull or tried, I asked merely if it had been suggested

in the heat of indignation. What I really want to know is,

would such a plan have been feasible?”

“Feasible?” Bennett swallowed chicken. “It would have

been a crime. Legally.”

“Of course. But—please give this consideration as a serious

question—might it have worked?”

He considered, chewing bread and butter. “No. Monte

McMillan was there.”

“If Mr. McMillan hadn’t been there, or had been a party

to the scheme, might it have worked?”

“It might have.”

“It would have been possible to replace Caesar with an-

other bull sufficiently resembling him so that the substitution

would be undetected by anyone not thoroughly familiar

with his appearance, without a close inspection?”

“It might have.”

“Yet Caesar was a national grand champion.” Wolfe shifted,

grimacing, on the folding chair. “Didn’t he approach the

unique?”

“Hell no. There’s plenty of good bulls, and quite a few

great ones. The grand champion stuff is all right, and it’s

valid, but sometimes the margin is mighty slim. Last year

at Indianapolis, Caesar scored 96 and Portchester Compton

95. Another thing of course is their get. The records of

their daughters and sons. Caesar had 51 A R daughters—”

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