Some Buried Caesar by Rex Stout

dle of comfort. Barrow handed him the paper and told him:

“Material witness in the Bronson case. We’ve gone through

him; I suppose you’ll want to take his jackknife. I’ll stop in

bter for my copy or get it in the morning. Any time he asks

for me, day or night, I want to see him.”

The warden pushed a button on his desk, ran his eyes

over the paper, looked at me, and cackled. “By golly, bud, you

should have put on some old clothes. The valley service

here is terrible.”

IT WAS certainly an antique. Apparently it was

a whole wing of the ground floor of the court-

house. The cells faced each other, two rows of them, one on

either side of a long corridor. Mine was two doors from the

far end. My cellmate was a chap in a dark blue suit with a

pointed nose and sharp brown eyes and a thick mop of well-

brushed hair. At the time I was locked in, which was around

6 o’clock, he was sitting on one of the cots brushing the hair.

The dim light from the little barred window, too high to see

out of, made things seem gloomy. We exchanged greetings

and he went on brushing. Pretty soon he asked;

“Got any cards or dice with you?”

“Nope.”

“They didn’t strip you, did they?”

‘They took my knife.”

He put the brush down and nodded. “You can’t kick on

that. Were you working out at the grounds? I’ve never seen

you around before.”

“You wouldn’t. My name is Archie Goodwin, and I’m from

New York and am being squeezed.” I waved a hand and sat

down on the other cot, which was covered with a dirty gray

blanket. “Forget it. Were you working out at the grounds?”

“I was until yesterday afternoon. Spoon-bean. Are you

hungry?”

‘I could eat. But I hesitate to send in an order—”

“Oh, not on the house. No. They feed at 5, and it’s the

usual. But if you’re hungry and happen to have a little

jack …”

“Go ahead.”

He went over to the deor and tapped three times with his

fingernail on one of the iron bars, waited a second, and tapped

twice. In a couple of minutes slow footsteps sounded in the

corridor, and as they got to our apartment my mate said in a

tone restrained but not particularly secretive, “Here, Slim.”

I got up and ambled across. It wasn’t the keeper who had

escorted me in, but a tall skinny object with an Adam’s ap-

ple as big as a goose egg. I got out the Nero Wolfe expense

wallet, extracted a dollar bill, and told him that I required

two ham sandwiches and a chocolate egg malted. He took

it but shook his head and said it wasn’t enough. I told him I

knew that but hadn’t wanted to spoil him, and parted from

another one, and asked him to include 5 evening papers in

the order.

By the time he returned, in a quarter of an hour, my mate

and I were old friends. His name was Basil Graham, and his

firsthand knowledge of geography and county jails was exten-

sive. I spread my lunch out on the cot with a sheet of the

newspaper for a tablecloth, and it wasn’t until the last crumb

had disappeared that he made a proposal which might have

withered the friendship in the bud if I hadn’t been firm. His

preparations were simple but interesting. From under the

blanket of his cot he produced three teaspoons of the five

and dime variety, and a small white bean. Then he came

over and picked up one of my newspapers and asked, “May I?”

I nodded. He put the newspaper on the floor and sat on it,

and in front of him, on the concrete, ranged the three tea-

spoons in a row, bottoms up. He had nifty fingers. Under one

of the spoons he put the bean and then looked up at me like

the friend he was.

“You understand,” he said, “I’m just showing you how it’s

done. It will pass the time. Sometimes the hand is quicker,

sometimes the eye is quicker. It’s not a game of chance, but

a game of skill. Your eye against my hand. Your eye may be

quicker than my hand, and we can only tell by trying. It never

hurts to try. Which spoon is the bean under?”

I told him, and it was. He tried again, his fingers darting,

and again it was. The next time it wasn’t. The next three times

it was, and he began to act flustered and surprised and dis-

pleased with himself.

I shook my liead. “Don’t do it, Basil,” I said regretfully.

“I’m not a wise guy exactly, but I’m a tightwad. If you go on

working up indignation at yourself because my eye is so much

quicker than your hand, you might get so upset you would

actually offer to make a bet on it, and I would have to refuse.

As a matter of fact, you are extremely good, both at manipu-

lating the bean and at getting upset, but the currency you

saw in the wallet is not my own, and even if it was I’m

a tightwad.”

“It don’t hurt to try, does it? I just want to see—”

“No, I don’t lather.”

He cheerfully put the spoons and the bean away, and the

friendship was saved.

It began to get dark in the cell, and after a while the lights

were turned on. Somehow that only made it gloomier, since

there was no light in the cell itself. The only way I could

have read the paper, except for the headlines, which were

screaming murder, would have been to hold it up against the

bars of the door to catch the light from the corridor, so I

gave it up and devoted myself to Basil. He was certainly a

good-natured soul, for he had been nabbed after only one

day’s work at the exposition and expected to be fined 50

samoleons on the morrow, but I suppose if you embrace spoon-

bean as a career you have to be a philosopher to begin with.

The inside of my nose was beginning to smart from the atmo-

sphere. In a cell across the corridor someone started to sing

in a thin tenor, I’m wearing my heart away for you, it cries

out may your love be true, and from further down the line

groans sounded, interrupted by a voice like a file growling,

“Let him sing, let him sing, what the hell, it’s beautiful.”

Basil shrugged. “Just bums,” he said tolerantly.

My wrist watch said 10 minutes to 8 when footsteps stopped

at our address again, a key was turned in the lock, and the

door swung open. A keeper I hadn’t seen before stood in the

gap and said, “Goodwin? You’re wanted.” He stepped aside

to let me out, relocked the door, and let me precede him

down the corridor. “Warden’s office,” he grunted.

Three men were standing in the office: Nero Wolfe, under

self-imposed restraint, Frederick Osgood, scowling, and the

warden, looking disturbed. I told them good evening. Osgood

said, “Come on, OUie, well step outside.” The warden mut-

tered something about the rules, Osgood got impatient and

brusque, and out they went.

Wolfe stood and looked at me with his lips compressed.

“Well?” he demanded. “Where were your wits?”

“Sure,” I said bitterly, “brazen it out. Wits my eye. Finger-

prints on the wallet. I bribed the shed attendant with ten

bucks of Jimmy Pratt’s money, which I’ll explain to you some

day if I don’t rot in this dungeon. But chiefly, a deputy sheriff

says that this morning at the hotel he heard Bronson tell

somebody in New York on the telephone that a man named

Goodwin poked him in the jaw and took a receipt away from

him. Ha ha ha. Did you ever hear anything so droll? Even

so, they don’t think I’m a murderer. They only think I’m

reticent. They’re going to break my will. Of course if I had

taken a receipt from Bronson and if they should find it—”

Wolfe shook his head. “Since you didn’t, they can’t. Which

reminds me …”

His hand went into his pocket and came out again with

my card case in it. I took it and inspected it, saw that it

contained its proper items and nothing else, and put it where

it belonged.

“Thanks. No trouble finding it?”

“None. It was quite simple. I had a talk with Mr. Waddell

after you left and told him of my interview with Mr. Bronson

last evening whatever I thought might be helpful. Then

he went, and I telephoned the courthouse and could learn

nothing. I found myself marooned. Finally I succeeded in

locating Mr. Osgood, and his daughter came for me. She had

been questioned, but not, I imagine, with great severity-

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50

Leave a Reply 0

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *