‘Oh mother,’ says I, ‘if you can do so, you will engage me to
you for ever.’ ‘Well,’ says she, ‘are you willing to be a some
small annual expense, more than what we usually give to the
people we contract with?’ ‘Ay,’ says I, ‘with all my heart,
provided I may be concealed.’ ‘As to that,’ says the governess,
‘you shall be secure, for the nurse shall never so much as dare
to inquire about you, and you shall once or twice a year go
with me and see yourchild, and see how ’tis used, and be
satisfied that it is in good hands, nobody knowing who you are.’
‘Why,’ said I, ‘do you think, mother, that when I come to see
my child, I shall be able to conceal my being the mother of it?
Do you think that possible?’
‘Well, well,’ says my governess, ‘if you discover it, the nurse
shall be never the wiser; for she shall be forbid to ask any
questions about you, or to take any notice. If she offers it,
she shall lose the money which you are suppose to give her,
and the child shall be taken from her too.’
I was very well pleased with this. So the next week a
countrywoman was brought from Hertford, or thereabouts,
who was to take the child off our hands entirely for #10 in
money. But if I would allow #5 a year more of her, she would
be obliged to bring the child to my governess’s house as often
as we desired, or we should come down and look at it, and see
how well she used it.
The woman was very wholesome-looking, a likely woman,
a cottager’s wife, but she had very good clothes and linen, and
everything well about her; and with a heavy heart and many a
tear, I let her have my child. I had been down at Hertford, and
looked at her and at her dwelling, which I liked well enough;
and I promised her great things if she would be kind to the
child, so she knew at first word that I was the child’s mother.
But she seemed to be so much out of the way, and to have no
room to inquire after me, that I thought I was safe enough.
So, in short, I consented to let her have the child, and I gave
her #10; that is to say, I gave it to my governess, who gave it
the poor woman before my face, she agreeing never to return
the child back to me, or to claim anything more for its keeping
or bringing up; only that I promised, if she took a great deal
of care of it, I would give her something more as often as I
came to see it; so that I was not bound to pay the #5, only
that I promised my governess I would do it. And thus my
great care was over, after a manner, which though it did not
at all satisfy my mind, yet was the most convenient for me,
as my affairs then stood, of any that could be thought of at
that time.
I then began to write to my friend at the bank in a more kindly
style, and particularly about the beginning of July I sent him a
letter, that I proposed to be in town some time in August. He
returned me an answer in the most passionate terms imaginable,
and desired me to let him have timely notice, and he would
come and meet me, two day’s journey. This puzzled me scurvily,
and I did not know what answer to make of it. Once I resolved
to take the stage-coach to West Chester, on purpose only to
have the satisfaction of coming back, that he might see me
really come in the same coach; for I had a jealous thought,
though I had no ground for it at all, lest he should think I was
not really in the country. And it was no ill-grounded thought
as you shall hear presently.
I endeavoured to reason myself out of it, but it was in vain;
the impression lay so strong on my mind, that it was not to