said she believed, if she had offered her #500. Then she
attacked the other maid; she was not so hard-hearted in
appearance as the other, and sometimes seemed inclined to
be merciful; but the first wench kept her up, and changed her
mind, and would not so much as let my governess talk with
her, but threatened to have her up for tampering with the
evidence.
Then she applied to the master, that is to say, the man whose
goods had been stolen, and particularly to his wife, who, as
I told you, was inclined at first to have some compassion for
me; she found the woman the same still, but the man alleged
he was bound by the justice that committed me, to prosecute,
and that he should forfeit his recognisance.
My governess offered to find friends that should get his
recognisances off of the file, as they call it, and that he
should not suffer; but it was not possible to convince him that
could be done, or that he could be safe any way in the world
but by appearing against me; so I was to have three witnesses
of fact against me, the master and his two maids; that is to say,
I was as certain to be cast for my life as I was certain that I
was alive, and I had nothing to do but to think of dying, and
prepare for it. I had but a sad foundation to build upon, as I
said before, for all my repentance appeared to me to be only
the effect of my fear of death, not a sincere regret for the
wicked life that I had lived, and which had brought this misery
upon me, for the offending my Creator, who was now suddenly
to be my judge.
I lived many days here under the utmost horror of soul; I had
death, as it were, in view, and thought of nothing night and
day, but of gibbets and halters, evil spirits and devils; it is not
to be expressed by words how I was harassed, between the
dreadful apprehensions of death and the terror of my conscience
reproaching me with my past horrible life.
The ordinary Of Newgate came to me, and talked a little in
his way, but all his divinity ran upon confessing my crime, as
he called it (though he knew not what I was in for), making a
full discovery, and the like, without which he told me God
would never forgive me; and he said so little to the purpose,
that I had no manner of consolation from him; and then to
observe the poor creature preaching confession and repentance
to me in the morning, and find him drunk with brandy and
spirits by noon, this had something in it so shocking, that I
began to nauseate the man more than his work, and his work
too by degrees, for the sake of the man; so that I desired him
to trouble me no more.
I know not how it was, but by the indefatigable application
of my diligent governess I had no bill preferred against me
the first sessions, I mean to the grand jury, at Guildhall; so I
had another month or five weeks before me, and without doubt
this ought to have been accepted by me, as so much time given
me for reflection upon what was past, and preparation for what
was to come; or, in a word, I ought to have esteemed it as a
space given me for repentance, and have employed it as such,
but it was not in me. I was sorry (as before) for being in
Newgate, but had very few signs of repentance about me.
On the contrary, like the waters in the cavities and hollows
of mountains, which petrify and turn into stone whatever they
are suffered to drop on, so the continual conversing with such
a crew of hell-hounds as I was, had the same common operation
upon me as upon other people. I degenerated into stone; I
turned first stupid and senseless, then brutish and thoughtless,
and at last raving mad as any of them were; and, in short, I