Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain

smiling and bowing through the narrow human lane, with Betsy Hale, as

escort and support, smiling and bowing in her wake, the audience breaking

into welcoming cheers as the old favorites filed along. The judge did

not check this kindly demonstration of homage and affection, but let it

run its course unrebuked.

The old ladies stopped and shook hands with the twins with effusion, then

gave the judge a friendly nod, and bustled into the seats provided for

them. They immediately began to deliver a volley of eager questions at

the friends around them: “What is this thing for?” “What is that thing

for?” “Who is that young man that’s writing at the desk? Why, I

declare, it’s Jack Bunce! I thought he was sick.” “Which is the jury?

Why, is that the jury? Billy Price and Job Turner, and Jack Lounsbury,

and–well, I never!” “Now who would ever ‘a’ thought–”

But they were gently called to order at this point, and asked not to talk

in court. Their tongues fell silent, but the radiant interest in their

faces remained, and their gratitude for the blessing of a new sensation

and a novel experience still beamed undimmed from their eyes. Aunt Patsy

stood up and took the oath, and Mr. Allen explained the point in issue,

and asked her to go on now, in her own way, and throw as much light upon

it as she could. She toyed with her reticule a moment or two, as if

considering where to begin, then she said:

“Well, the way of it is this. They are Luigi’s legs a week at a time,

and then they are Angelo’s, and he can do whatever he wants to with

them.”

“You are making a mistake, Aunt Patsy Cooper,” said the judge. “You

shouldn’t state that as a fact, because you don’t know it to be a fact.”

“What’s the reason I don’t?” said Aunt Patsy, bridling a little.

“What is the reason that you do know it?”

“The best in the world because they told me.”

“That isn’t a reason.”

“Well, for the land’s sake! Betsy Hale, do you hear that?”

“Hear it? I should think so,” said Aunt Betsy, rising and facing the

court. “Why, Judge, I was there and heard it myself. Luigi says to

Angelo–no, it was Angelo said it to–”

“Come, come, Mrs. Hale, pray sit down, and–”

“Certainly, it’s all right, I’m going to sit down presently, but not

until I’ve–”

“But you must sit down!”

“Must! Well, upon my word if things ain’t getting to a pretty pass

when–”

The house broke into laughter, but was promptly brought to order, and

meantime Mr. Allen persuaded the old lady to take her seat. Aunt Patsy

continued:

“Yes, they told me that, and I know it’s true. They’re Luigi’s legs this

week, but–”

“Ah, they told you that, did they?” said the Justice, with interest.

“Well, no, I don’t know that they told me, but that’s neither here nor

there. I know, without that, that at dinner yesterday, Angelo was as

tired as a dog, and yet Luigi wouldn’t lend him the legs to go up-stairs

and take a nap with.”

“Did he ask for them?”

“Let me see–it seems to me, somehow, that–that–Aunt Betsy, do you

remember whether he–”

“Never mind about what Aunt Betsy remembers –she is not a witness; we

only want to know what you remember yourself,” said the judge.

“Well, it does seem to, me that you are most cantankerously particular

about a little thing, Sim Robinson. Why, when I can’t remember a thing

myself, I always–”

“Ah, please go on!”

“Now how can she when you keep fussing at her all the time?” said Aunt

Betsy. “Why, with a person pecking at me that way, I should get that

fuzzled and fuddled that–”

She was on her feet again, but Allen coaxed her into her seat once more,

while the court squelched the mirth of the house. Then the judge said:

“Madam, do you know–do you absolutely know, independently of anything

these gentlemen have told you–that the power over their legs passes from

the one to the other regularly every week?”

“Regularly? Bless your heart, regularly ain’t any name for the exactness

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