fell down the well. There was a radical defect somewhere, and I must
search it out and cure it.
The defect turned out to be the one already spoken of–two stories in
one, a farce and a tragedy. So I pulled out the farce and left the
tragedy. This left the original team in, but only as mere names, not as
characters. Their prominence was wholly gone; they were not even worth
drowning; so I removed that detail. Also I took those twins apart and
made two separate men of them. They had no occasion to have foreign
names now, but it was too much trouble to remove them all through, so I
left them christened as they were and made no explanation.
CHAPTER I
THE TWINS AS THEY REALLY WERE
The conglomerate twins were brought on the the stage in Chapter I of the
original extravaganza. Aunt Patsy Cooper has received their letter
applying for board and lodging, and Rowena, her daughter, insane with
joy, is begging for a hearing of it:
“Well, set down then, and be quiet a minute and don’t fly around so; it
fairly makes me tired to see you. It starts off so: ‘HONORED MADAM’–”
“I like that, ma, don’t you? It shows they’re high-bred.”
“Yes, I noticed that when I first read it. ‘My brother and I have seen
your advertisement, by chance, in a copy of your local journal–‘
“It’s so beautiful and smooth, ma-don’t you think so?”
“Yes, seems so to me–‘and beg leave to take the room you offer. We are
twenty-four years of age, and twins–‘”
“Twins ! How sweet! I do hope they are handsome, and I just know they
are! Don’t you hope they are, ma?”
“Land, I ain’t particular. ‘We are Italians by birth–‘”
“It’s so romantic! Just think there’s never been one in this town, and
everybody will want to see them, and they’re all ours! Think of that!”
“–‘but have lived long in the various countries of Europe, and several
years in the United States.'”
“Oh, just think what wonders they’ve seen, ma! Won’t it be good to hear
them talk?”
“I reckon so; yes, I reckon so. ‘Our names are Luigi and Angelo Capello-
-‘”
“Beautiful, perfectly beautiful! Not like Jones and Robinson and those
horrible names.”
“‘You desire but one guest, but dear madam, if you will allow us to pay
for two we will not discommode you. We will sleep together in the same
bed. We have always been used to this, and prefer it. And then he goes
on to say they will be down Thursday.”
“And this is Tuesday–I don’t know how I’m ever going to wait, ma! The
time does drag along so, and I’m so dying to see them! Which of them do
you reckon is the tallest, ma?”
“How do you s’pose I can tell, child? Mostly they are the same
size-twins are.”
“‘Well then, which do you reckon is the best looking?”
“Goodness knows–I don’t.”
“I think Angelo is; it’s the prettiest name, anyway. Don’t you think
it’s a sweet name, ma?”
“Yes, it’s well enough. I’d like both of them better if I knew the way
to pronounce them–the Eyetalian way, I mean. The Missouri way and the
Eyetalian way is different, I judge.”
“Maybe–yes. It’s Luigi that writes the letter. What do you reckon is
the reason Angelo didn’t write it?”
“Why, how can I tell? What’s the difference who writes it, so long as
it’s done?”
“Oh, I hope it wasn’t because he is sick! You don’t think he is sick, do
you, ma?”
“Sick your granny; what’s to make him sick?”
“Oh, there’s never any telling. These foreigners with that kind of names
are so delicate, and of course that kind of names are not suited to our
climate–you wouldn’t expect it.”
[And so-on and so-on, no end. The time drags along; Thursday comes: the
boat arrives in a pouring storm toward midnight.]
At last there was a knock at the door and the anxious family jumped to
open it. Two negro men entered, each carrying a trunk, and proceeded
upstairs toward the guest-room. Then followed a stupefying apparition–
a double-headed human creature with four arms, one body, and a single