Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain

“If I had not run, I might have been killed in a duel on the Sabbath day,

and my soul would have been lost–lost.”

“Oh, don’t fret, it wasn’t in any danger,” said Luigi, irritably; “they

wouldn’t waste it for a little thing like that; there’s a glass case all

ready for it in the heavenly museum, and a pin to stick it up with.”

Aunt Patsy was shocked, and said:

“Looy, Looy!–don’t talk so, dear!”

Rowena’s soft heart was pierced by Luigi’s unfeeling words, and she

murmured to herself, “Oh, if I but had the dear privilege of protecting

and defending him with my weak voice!–but alas! this sweet boon is

denied me by the cruel conventions of social intercourse.”

“Get their bed ready,” said Aunt Patsy to Nancy, “and shut up the windows

and doors, and light their candles, and see that you drive all the

mosquitoes out of their bar, and make up a good fire in their stove, and

carry up some bags of hot ashes to lay to his feet–”

“–and a shovel of fire for his head, and a mustard plaster for his neck,

and some gum shoes for his ears,” Luigi interrupted, with temper; and

added, to himself, “Damnation, I’m going to be roasted alive, I just know

it!”

“Why, Looy! Do be quiet; I never saw such a fractious thing. A body

would think you didn’t care for your brother.”

“I don’t–to that extent, Aunt Patsy. I was glad the drowning was

postponed a minute ago, but I’m not now. No, that is all gone by; I want

to be drowned.”

“You’ll bring a judgment on yourself just as sure as you live, if you go

on like that. Why, I never heard the beat of it. Now, there–there!

you’ve said enough. Not another word out of you–I won’t have it!”

“But, Aunt Patsy–”

“Luigi! Didn’t you hear what I told you?”

“But, Aunt Patsy, I–why, I’m not going to set my heart and lungs afloat

in that pail of sewage which this criminal here has been prescri–”

“Yes, you are, too. You are going to be good, and do everything I tell

you, like a dear,” and she tapped his cheek affectionately with her

finger. “Rowena, take the prescription and go in the kitchen and hunt up

the things and lay them out for me. I’ll sit up with my patient the rest

of the night, doctor; I can’t trust Nancy, she couldn’t make Luigi take

the medicine. Of course, you’ll drop in again during the day. Have you

got any more directions?”

“No, I believe not, Aunt Patsy. If I don’t get in earlier, I’ll be along

by early candle-light, anyway. Meantime, don’t allow him to get out of

his bed.”

Angelo said, with calm determination:

“I shall be baptized at two o’clock. Nothing but death shall prevent

me.”

The doctor said nothing aloud, but to himself he said:

“Why, this chap’s got a manly side, after all! Physically he’s a coward,

but morally he’s a lion. I’ll go and tell the others about this; it will

raise him a good deal in their estimation–and the public will follow

their lead, of course.”

Privately, Aunt Patsy applauded too, and was proud of Angelo’s courage in

the moral field as she was of Luigi’s in the field of honor.

The boy Henry was troubled, but the boy Joe said, inaudibly, and

gratefully, “We’re all honky, after all; and no postponement on account

of the weather.”

CHAPTER VIII

BAPTISM OF THE BETTER HALF

By nine o’clock the town was humming with the news of the midnight duel,

and there were but two opinions about it: one, that Luigi’s pluck in the

field was most praiseworthy and Angela’s flight most scandalous; the

other, that Angelo’s courage in flying the field for conscience’ sake was

as fine and creditable as was Luigi’s in holding the field in the face of

the bullets. The one opinion was held by half of the town, the other one

was maintained by the other half. The division was clean and exact, and

it made two parties, an Angela party and a Luigi party. The twins had

suddenly become popular idols along with Pudd’nhead Wilson, and haloed

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