Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

him back again. ‘Just Heaven!’ cries the Society for the

protection of remonstrant Ruffians. ‘This is equivalent to a

sentence of perpetual imprisonment!’ Precisely for that reason it

has my advocacy. I demand to have the Ruffian kept out of my way,

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Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

and out of the way of all decent people. I demand to have the

Ruffian employed, perforce, in hewing wood and drawing water

somewhere for the general service, instead of hewing at her

Majesty’s subjects and drawing their watches out of their pockets.

If this be termed an unreasonable demand, then the tax-gatherer’s

demand on me must be far more unreasonable, and cannot be otherwise

than extortionate and unjust.

It will be seen that I treat of the Thief and Ruffian as one. I do

so, because I know the two characters to be one, in the vast

majority of cases, just as well as the Police know it. (As to the

Magistracy, with a few exceptions, they know nothing about it but

what the Police choose to tell them.) There are disorderly classes

of men who are not thieves; as railway-navigators, brickmakers,

wood-sawyers, costermongers. These classes are often disorderly

and troublesome; but it is mostly among themselves, and at any rate

they have their industrious avocations, they work early and late,

and work hard. The generic Ruffian – honourable member for what is

tenderly called the Rough Element – is either a Thief, or the

companion of Thieves. When he infamously molests women coming out

of chapel on Sunday evenings (for which I would have his back

scarified often and deep) it is not only for the gratification of

his pleasant instincts, but that there may be a confusion raised by

which either he or his friends may profit, in the commission of

highway robberies or in picking pockets. When he gets a policeconstable

down and kicks him helpless for life, it is because that

constable once did his duty in bringing him to justice. When he

rushes into the bar of a public-house and scoops an eye out of one

of the company there, or bites his ear off, it is because the man

he maims gave evidence against him. When he and a line of comrades

extending across the footway – say of that solitary mountain-spur

of the Abruzzi, the Waterloo Road – advance towards me ‘skylarking’

among themselves, my purse or shirt-pin is in predestined peril

from his playfulness. Always a Ruffian, always a Thief. Always a

Thief, always a Ruffian.

Now, when I, who am not paid to know these things, know them daily

on the evidence of my senses and experience; when I know that the

Ruffian never jostles a lady in the streets, or knocks a hat off,

but in order that the Thief may profit, is it surprising that I

should require from those who ARE paid to know these things,

prevention of them?

Look at this group at a street corner. Number one is a shirking

fellow of five-and-twenty, in an ill-favoured and ill-savoured

suit, his trousers of corduroy, his coat of some indiscernible

groundwork for the deposition of grease, his neckerchief like an

eel, his complexion like dirty dough, his mangy fur cap pulled low

upon his beetle brows to hide the prison cut of his hair. His

hands are in his pockets. He puts them there when they are idle,

as naturally as in other people’s pockets when they are busy, for

he knows that they are not roughened by work, and that they tell a

tale. Hence, whenever he takes one out to draw a sleeve across his

nose – which is often, for he has weak eyes and a constitutional

cold in his head – he restores it to its pocket immediately

afterwards. Number two is a burly brute of five-and-thirty, in a

tall stiff hat; is a composite as to his clothes of betting-man and

fighting-man; is whiskered; has a staring pin in his breast, along

with his right hand; has insolent and cruel eyes: large shoulders;

strong legs booted and tipped for kicking. Number three is forty

years of age; is short, thick-set, strong, and bow-legged; wears

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