‘I know,’ said Susan. ‘There aren’t any rules except the ones he makes up as he
goes along. I can’t see him being very happy if someone got in and started pul ing the
library apart-
She stopped. When she spoke again her voice had a different tone
‘This is a children’s place,’ she said. ‘The rules are what children believe.
‘Wel , that’s a relief.
‘You think so? Things aren’t going to be right. In the Soul Cake Duck’s country ducks
can la#
chocolate eggs, in the same way that Death’s country is black and sombre because
that’s what people believe. He’s very conventional about that sort of thing. Skul and
bone decorations al over the place. And this place–
‘Pretty flowers and an odd sky.
‘I think it’s going to be a lot worse than that. And very odd, too.
‘More odd than it is now?
‘I don’t think it’s possible to die here.
‘That man who fel down the stairs looked pretty dead to me.
‘Oh, you die. But not here. You… let’s see… yes… you go somewhere else. Away.
You’re just not seen any more. That’s about al you understand when you’re three.
Grandfather said it wasn’t like that fifty years ago. He said you often couldn’t see the
bed for everyone having a good cry. Now they just tel the child that Grandma’s gone.
For three weeks Twyla thought her uncle’d been buried in the sad patch behind the
garden shed along with Buster and Meepo and al three Bulgies.
‘Three Bulgies?
‘Gerbils. They tend to die a lot,’ said Susan. ‘The trick is to replace them when she’s
not looking. You real y don’t know anything, do you?
‘Er… hel o?
The voice came from the corridor
They worked their way round to the next room
There, sitting on the floor and tied to the leg o
a white display case, was Violet. She looked up in apprehension, and then in
bewilderment, and final y in growing recognition
‘Aren’t you-?
‘Yes, yes, we see each other sometimes in Biers, and when you came for Twyla’s
last tooth you were so shocked that I could see you I had to give you a drink to get
your nerves back,’ said Susan, fumbling with the ropes. ‘I don’t think we’ve got a lot of
time.
‘And who’s he?
The oh god tried to push his lank hair into place
‘Oh, he’s just a god,’ said Susan. ‘His name’s Bilious.
‘Do you drink at al ?’ said the oh god
‘What sort of quest-
‘He needs to know before he decides whether he hates you or not,’ said Susan. ‘It’s a
god thing.
‘No, I don’t,’ said Violet. ‘What an idea. I’ve got the blue ribbon!
The oh god raised his eyebrows at Susan
‘That means she’s a member of Offler’s League of Temperance,’ said Susan. ‘They
sign a pledge not to touch alcohol. I can’t think why. Of course, Offler’s a crocodile.
They don’t go in bars much. They’re into water.
‘Not touch alcohol at al ?’ said the oh god
‘Never!’ said Violet. ‘My dad’s very strict about that sort of thing!
After a moment Susan felt forced to wave a hand across their locked gaze
‘Can we get on?’ she said. ‘Good. Who brought you here, Violet?
‘I don’t know! I was doing the col ection as usual, and then I thought I heard someone
fol owing me, and then it al went dark, and when I came to we were… Have you seen
what it’s like outside?
‘Yes.
‘Wel , we were there. The big one was carrying me. The one they cal Banjo. He’s not
bad, just a bit… odd. Sort of… slow. He just watches me. The others are thugs. Watch
out for the one with the glass eye. They’re al afraid of him. Except Banjo.
‘Class eye?
‘He’s dressed like an Assassin. He’s cal ed Teatime. I think they’re trying to steal
something… They spent ages carting the teeth out. Little teeth everywhere… It was
horrible! Thank you,’ she added to the oh god, who had helped her on to her feet
‘They’ve piled them up in a magic circle downstairs,’ said Susan
Violet’s eyes and mouth formed three Os. It was like looking at a pink bowling bal
‘What for?
‘I think they’re using them to control the children. By magic.
Violet’s mouth opened wider
‘That’s horrid.
Horrible, thought Susan. The word is ‘horrible’. ‘Horrid’ is a childish word selected to
impres
nearby males with one’s fragility, if I’m any judge. She knew it was unkind and
counterproductive of her to think like that. She also knew it was probably an accurate
observation, which only made it worse
‘Yes,’ she said
‘There was a wizard! He’s got a pointy hat!
‘I think we should get her out of here,’ said the oh god, in a tone of voice that Susan
considered was altogether too dramatic
‘Good idea,’ she conceded. ‘Let’s go.
Catseye’s boots had snapped their laces. It was as if he’d been pul ed upwards so
fast they simply couldn’t keep up
That worried Medium Dave. So did the smel . There was no smel at al in the rest of
the tower, but just here there was a lingering odour of mushrooms
His forehead wrinkled. Medium Dave was a thief and a murderer and therefore had a
highly developed moral sense. He preferred not to steal from poor people, and not only
because they never had anything worth stealing. If it was necessary to hurt anyone, he
tried to leave wounds that would heal. And when in the course of his activities he had
to kil people then he made some effort to see that they did not suffer much or at least
made as few noises as possible
This whole business was getting on his nerves. Usual y, he didn’t even notice that he
had any
There was a wrongness to everything that grated on his bones
And a pair of boots was al that remained of old Catseye
He drew his sword
Above him, the creeping shadows moved and flowed away
Susan edged up to the entrance to the stairways and peered around into the point of
a crossbow
‘Now, al of you step out where I can see you.’ said Peachy conversational y. ‘And
don’t touch that sword, lady. You’l probably hurt yourself.
Susan tried to make herself unseen, and failed. Usual y it was so easy to do that that
it happened automatical y, usual y with embarrassing results. She could be idly reading
a book while people searched the room for her. But here, despite every effort, she
seemed to remain obstinately visible
‘You don’t own this place,’ she said, stepping back
‘No, but you see this crossbow? I own this crossbow. So you just walk ahead of me,
right, and we’l al go and see Mister Teatime.
‘Excuse me, I just want to check something,’ said Bilious. To Susan’s amazement he
leaned over and touched the point of the arrow
‘,Here! What did you do that for?’ said Peachy, stepping back
‘I felt it, but of course a certain amount of pain sensation would be part of normal sensor#
response,’ said the oh god. ‘I warn you, there’s a very good chance that I might be
immortal.
‘Yes, but we probably aren’t,’ said Susan
‘Immortal, eh?’ said Peachy. ‘So if I was to shoot you inna head, you wouldn’t die?
‘I suppose when you put it like that… I do know I feel pain…
‘Right. You just keep moving, then.
‘When something happens,’ said Susan, out of the corner of her mouth, ‘you two try
to get downstairs and out, al right? If the worst comes to the worst, the horse wil . take
you out of here.
‘If something happens,’ whispered the oh god
‘When,’ said Susan
Behind them, Peachy looked around. He knew he’d feel a lot better when any of the
others turned up. It was almost a relief to have prisoners
Out of the corner of her eye Susan saw something move on the stairs on the
opposite side of the shaft. For a moment she thought she saw several flashes like
metal blades catching the light
She heard a gasp behind her
The man with the crossbow was standing very stil and staring at the opposite stairs
‘Oh, noooo,’ he said, under his breath
‘What is it?’ said Susan
He stared at her. ‘You can see it too?
‘The thing like a lot of blades clicking together?’ said Susan
‘Oh, nooo…
‘It was only there for a moment,’ said Susan
‘It’s gone now,’ she said. ‘Somewhere else,’ she added
‘It’s the Scissor Man .
‘Who’s he?’ said the oh god
‘No one!’ snapped Peachy, trying to pul himself together. ‘There’s no such thing as
the Scissor Man, al right?
‘Ah… yes. When you were little, did you suck your thumb?’ said Susan. ‘Because the
only Scissor Man I know is the one people used to frighten children with. They said