“No … sergeant! … One … two …”
“Now listen up ’cause I’m only gonna say this once!” the sergeant barks, turnin’ his attention back to the rest of us. “When I’m talking, your ears are open and your mouths are shut! You don’t say nothin’ ‘less I ask you a question, whereupon you answer it briefly then shut up! When I want questions from you, I’ll say ‘Any questions?’! Do I make myself clear!”
“YES, SERGEANT!
“All right then.” He started to look at his roster again, then glanced at the struggling figures on the ground. “That’s enough, you three. Get back in line. Now then, where was I? Guido!”
“Here, Sergeant!” I sez, ’cause I was.
“That’s it? Just ‘Guido?’ No nickname like Cricket or anything?”
“No, Sergeant!”
He waited for a few seconds to see if I was gonna add anything, but I didn’t, as I’ve always been a fast study. Finally he gives a little nod and moves on.
“Juney!”
“Here, Sergeant! … but folks call me ‘Junebug.'”
Some people, on the other hands, never seem to learn.
“Twenty!” the sergeant sez without even lookin’ up from the roster.
And so it went. By the time the sergeant is through checkin’ off the list of names, over half of our group has been called upon to demonstrate their physical prowess, or lack thereof, by performin’ a number of pushups, the exact count of which varies dependin’ upon the sergeant’s mood and their ability to remember to count out loud whilst performin’ this exercise. This raises some serious questions in my mind as to the average IQ of the individuals who have chosen to enlist in the army, a rather disquietin’ thought realizin’ that I am one of said individuals. In an effort to maintain a positive-type frame of mind, I reassure myself that my enlistin’ was a matter of followin’ orders rather than any idea of my own.
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