M.Y.T.H. Inc In Action by Robert Asprin

“Right, Guido!”

“OW! Sure Guido!”

“Good. Now second, I want youse to keep in mind that if you does not abandon your querulous habits, and those habits slow or otherwise interfere with this group completin’ its trainin’ in the shortest possible time …” I sneak a glance at the corporal, then lower my voice while takin’ great pains to keep a smile on my face. “… then I will personally rip off each of youse guy’s heads and spit down your neck! (tighter) You got that?”

“Gaah! Yeah! Got it!”

“Anything you … Owww … say, Guido!”

“Oh yeah. Just one more thing. I don’t talk funny. (grind) Agreed?”

“Aaaahhh …”

“God …”

I noticed the corporal is comin’ our way, thereby signalin’ an end to our playtime.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes,'” I sez, and releases my grip all at once.

I have neglected to mention durin’ my previous instructional oration that if youse relaxes the aforementioned grip suddenly and completely, the resultin’ rush of blood to the area which has been assaulted by said grip causes additional discomfort to a point where some subjects have been known to faint dead away. The advantage of this is obvious, in that you are not actually even touching them at the moment the effect takes hold.

The Flie brothers are in exceptionally good shape, as I have noted before, so they merely stagger a bit. It is clear to them, however, as it is to me, that for a while they will have extreme difficulty movin’ their arms with any degree of speed or strength … like say, in a fight. This, of course, has the originally desired effect of mellowin’ their previously bully in’, swaggerin’ behavior noticeably.