with one hand, and looked down on the square below. The snow was still falling, the sky
had not yet cleared.
For a long time he sat like this, without knowing what really troubled him, only
turning his head from time to time with an alarmed glance toward the anteroom, where he
fancied, mistakenly, that he heard a noise. But as no one came in he recovered his
composure, went over to the washbasin, washed his face in cold water, and returned to his
place at the window with a clearer mind. The decision to take his defense into his own
hands seemed now more grave to him than he had originally fancied. So long as the lawyer
was responsible for the case it had not come really home to him, he had viewed it with a
certain detachment and kept beyond reach of immediate contact with it, he had been able
to supervise it whenever he liked, but could also withdraw whenever he liked. Now, on the
other hand, if he were to conduct his own defense he would be putting himself completely
in the power of the Court, at least for the time being, a policy which would eventually
bring about his absolute and definite acquittal, but would meanwhile, provisionally at least,
involve him in far greater dangers than before. If he had ever doubted that, his state of
mind today in his encounter with the Assistant Manager and the manufacturer would have
been more than enough to convince him. What a stupor had overcome him, merely because he had decided to conduct his own defense! And what would develop later on? What days
were lying in wait for him? Would he ever find the right path through all these difficulties?
To put up a thoroughgoing defense — and any other kind would be a waste of time — to put
up a thoroughgoing defense, did that not involve cutting himself off from every other
activity? Would he be able to carry that through? And how was he to conduct his case
from a Bank office? It was not merely the drawing up of a plea; that might be managed on
a few weeks’ furlough, though to ask for leave of absence just now would be decidedly
risky; but a whole trial was involved, whose duration it was impossible to foresee. What an
obstacle had suddenly arisen to block K.’s career!
And this was the moment when he was supposed to work for the Bank? He looked
down at his desk. This the time to interview clients and negotiate with them? While his
case was unfolding itself, while up in the attics the Court officials were poring over the
charge papers, was he to devote his attention to the affairs of the Bank? It looked like a
kind of torture sanctioned by the Court, arising from his case and concomitant with it. And
would allowances be made for his peculiar position when his work in the Bank came to be
judged? Never, and by nobody. The existence of his case was not entirely unknown in the
Bank, though it was not quite clear who knew of it and how much they knew. But
apparently the rumor had not yet reached the Assistant Manager, otherwise K. could hardly
have failed to perceive it, since the man would have exploited his knowledge without any
scruples as a colleague or as a human being. And the Manager himself? He was certainly
well disposed to K. and as soon as he heard of the case would probably be willing enough
to lighten K.’s duties as far as lay in his power, but his good intentions would be
checkmated, for K.’s waning prestige was no longer sufficient to counterbalance the
influence of the Assistant Manager, who was gaining a stronger hold on the Manager and
exploiting the latter’s invalid condition to his own advantage. * So what had K. to hope?
It might be that he was only sapping his powers of resistance by harboring these thoughts;
still, it was necessary to have no illusions and to view the position as clearly as the moment
allowed.
Without any particular motive, merely to put off returning to his desk, he opened the