‘So your work here is all you have?’ I said.
‘Absolutely all. And, if it’s the same with you, well, here we are!’
‘Here we are!’ I echoed. ‘Exactly.’
‘We must try and make it as easy for each other as we can,’ she said.
‘Of course.’
She looked at me in that curious, wide-eyed way of hers.
‘You have got thinner, Peter,’ she said.
‘Have I?’ I said. ‘Suffering, I suppose, or exercise.’
Her eyes left my face. I saw her bite her lip.
‘You hate me,’ she said abruptly. ‘You’ve been hating me all these years. Well, I don’t wonder.’
She turned and began to walk slowly away, and as she did so a sense of the littleness of the part I was playing came over me. Ever since our talk had begun I had been trying to hurt her, trying to take a petty revenge on her–for what? All that had happened five years ago had been my fault. I could not let her go like this. I felt unutterably mean.
‘Audrey!’ I called.
She stopped. I went to her.
‘Audrey!’ I said, ‘you’re wrong. If there’s anybody I hate, it’s myself. I just want to tell you I understand.’
Her lips parted, but she did not speak.
‘I understand just what made you do it,’ I went on. ‘I can see now the sort of man I was in those days.’
‘You’re saying that to–to help me,’ she said in a low voice.
‘No. I have felt like that about it for years.’
‘I treated you shamefully.’
‘Nothing of the kind. There’s a certain sort of man who badly needs a–jolt, and he has to get it sooner or later. It happened that you gave me mine, but that wasn’t your fault. I was bound to get it–somehow.’ I laughed. ‘Fate was waiting for me round the corner. Fate wanted something to hit me with. You happened to be the nearest thing handy.’
‘I’m sorry, Peter.’
‘Nonsense. You knocked some sense into me. That’s all you did. Every man needs education. Most men get theirs in small doses, so that they hardly know they are getting it at all. My money kept me from getting mine that way. By the time I met you there was a great heap of back education due to me, and I got it in a lump. That’s all.’
‘You’re generous.’
‘Nothing of the kind. It’s only that I see things clearer than I did. I was a pig in those days.’
‘You weren’t!’
‘I was. Well, we won’t quarrel about it.’
Inside the house the bell rang for breakfast. We turned. As I drew back to let her go in, she stopped.
‘Peter,’ she said.
She began to speak quickly.
‘Peter, let’s be sensible. Why should we let this embarrass us, this being together here? Can’t we just pretend that we’re two old friends who parted through a misunderstanding, and have come together again, with all the misunderstanding cleared away–friends again? Shall we?’
She held out her hand. She was smiling, but her eyes were grave.
‘Old friends, Peter?’
I took her hand.
‘Old friends,’ I said.
And we went in to breakfast. On the table, beside my plate, was lying a letter from Cynthia.
CHAPTER 6
I
I give the letter in full. It was written from the s.y. -Mermaid-, lying in Monaco Harbour.
MY DEAR PETER, Where is Ogden? We have been expecting him every day. Mrs Ford is worrying herself to death. She keeps asking me if I have any news, and it is very tiresome to have to keep telling her that I have not heard from you. Surely, with the opportunities you must get every day, you can manage to kidnap him. Do be quick. We are relying on you.–In haste, CYNTHIA.
I read this brief and business-like communication several times during the day; and after dinner that night, in order to meditate upon it in solitude, I left the house and wandered off in the direction of the village.
I was midway between house and village when I became aware that I was being followed. The night was dark, and the wind moving in the tree-tops emphasized the loneliness of the country road. Both time and place were such as made it peculiarly unpleasant to hear stealthy footsteps on the road behind me.