P G Wodehouse – The Little Nugget

‘Oh!’

He lit a cigarette.

‘You didn’t want me around on this trip, did you?’

‘It seemed rather unnecessary for both of us to go,’ I said indifferently. ‘Still, perhaps two heads are better than one, as Mr Abney remarked. What do you propose to do when you get to London?’

He bent forward and tapped me on the knee.

‘I propose to stick to you like a label on a bottle, sonny,’ he said. ‘That’s what I propose to do.’

‘What do you mean?’

I was finding it difficult, such is the effect of a guilty conscience, to meet his eye, and the fact irritated me.

‘I want to find out that address you gave the Ford kid this morning out in the stable-yard.’

It is strange how really literal figurative expressions are. I had read stories in which some astonished character’s heart leaped into his mouth. For an instant I could have supposed that mine had actually done so. The illusion of some solid object blocking up my throat was extraordinarily vivid, and there certainly seemed to be a vacuum in the spot where my heart should have been. Not for a substantial reward could I have uttered a word at that moment. I could not even breathe. The horrible unexpectedness of the blow had paralysed me.

White, however, was apparently prepared to continue the chat without my assistance.

‘I guess you didn’t know I was around, or you wouldn’t have talked that way. Well, I was, and I heard every word you said. Here was the money, you said, and he was to take it and break for London, and go to the address on this card, and your pal Smith would look after him. I guess there had been some talk before that, but I didn’t arrive in time to hear it. But I heard all I wanted, except that address. And that’s what I’m going to find out when we get to London.’

He gave out this appalling information in a rich and soothing voice, as if it were some ordinary commonplace. To me it seemed to end everything. I imagined I was already as good as under arrest. What a fool I had been to discuss such a matter in a place like a stable yard, however apparently empty. I might have known that at a school there are no empty places.

‘I must say it jarred me when I heard you pulling that stuff,’ continued White. ‘I haven’t what you might call a childlike faith in my fellow-man as a rule, but it had never occurred to me for a moment that you could be playing that game. It only shows,’ he added philosophically, ‘that you’ve got to suspect everybody when it comes to a gilt-edged proposition like the Little Nugget.’

The train rattled on. I tried to reduce my mind to working order, to formulate some plan, but could not.

Beyond the realization that I was in the tightest corner of my life, I seemed to have lost the power of thought.

White resumed his monologue.

‘You had me guessing,’ he admitted. ‘I couldn’t figure you out. First thing, of course, I thought you must be working in with Buck MacGinnis and his crowd. Then all that happened tonight, and I saw that, whoever you might be working in with, it wasn’t Buck. And now I’ve placed you. You’re not in with any one. You’re just playing it by yourself. I shouldn’t mind betting this was your first job, and that you saw your chance of making a pile by holding up old man Ford, and thought it was better than schoolmastering, and grabbed it.’

He leaned forward and tapped me on the knee again. There was something indescribably irritating in the action. As one who has had experience, I can state that, while to be arrested at all is bad, to be arrested by a detective with a fatherly manner is maddening.

‘See here,’ he said, ‘we must get together over this business.’

I suppose it was the recollection of the same words in the mouth of Buck MacGinnis that made me sit up with a jerk and stare at him.

‘We’ll make a great team,’ he said, still in that same cosy voice. ‘If ever there was a case of fifty-fifty, this is it. You’ve got the kid, and I’ve got you. I can’t get away with him without your help, and you can’t get away with him unless you square me. It’s a stand-off. The only thing is to sit in at the game together and share out. Does it go?’

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