P G Wodehouse – The Little Nugget

A splintering of wood decided me that the time had come to retreat to our second line of entrenchments. How long the door would hold it was impossible to say, but I doubted if it was more than a matter of minutes.

Relighting my candle, which I had extinguished from motives of economy, I caught Audrey’s eye and jerked my head towards the ladder.

‘You go first,’ I whispered.

The Nugget watched her disappear through the trap-door, then turned to me with an air of resolution.

‘If you think you’re going to get -me- up there, you’ve another guess coming. I’m going to wait here till they get in, and let them take me. I’m about tired of this foolishness.’

It was no time for verbal argument. I collected him, a kicking handful, bore him to the ladder, and pushed him through the opening. He uttered one of his devastating squeals. The sound seemed to encourage the workers outside like a trumpet-blast. The blows on the door redoubled.

I climbed the ladder and shut the trap-door behind me.

The air of the loft was close and musty and smelt of mildewed hay. It was not the sort of spot which one would have selected of one’s own free will to sit in for any length of time. There was a rustling noise, and a rat scurried across the rickety floor, drawing a startled gasp from Audrey and a disgusted ‘Oh, piffle!’ from the Nugget. Whatever merits this final refuge might have as a stronghold, it was beyond question a noisome place.

The beating on the stable-door was working up to a crescendo. Presently there came a crash that shook the floor on which we sat and sent our neighbours, the rats, scuttling to and fro in a perfect frenzy of perturbation. The light of the automobile lamp poured in through the numerous holes and chinks which the passage of time had made in the old boards. There was one large hole near the centre which produced a sort of searchlight effect, and allowed us for the first time to see what manner of place it was in which we had entrenched ourselves. The loft was high and spacious. The roof must have been some seven feet above our heads. I could stand upright without difficulty.

In the proceedings beneath us there had come a lull. The mystery of our disappearance had not baffled the enemy for long, for almost immediately the rays of the lamp had shifted and begun to play on the trap-door. I heard somebody climb the ladder, and the trap-door creaked gently as a hand tested it. I had taken up a position beside it, ready, if the bolt gave way, to do what I could with the butt of my pistol, my only weapon. But the bolt, though rusty, was strong, and the man dropped to the ground again. Since then, except for occasional snatches of whispered conversation, I had heard nothing.

Suddenly Sam’s voice spoke.

‘Mr Burns!’

I saw no advantage in remaining silent.

‘Well?’

‘Haven’t you had enough of this? You’ve given us a mighty good run for our money, but you can see for yourself that you’re through now. I’d hate like anything for you to get hurt. Pass the kid down, and we’ll call it off.’

He paused.

‘Well?’ he said. ‘Why don’t you answer?’

‘I did.’

‘Did you? I didn’t hear you.’

‘I smiled.’

‘You mean to stick it out? Don’t be foolish, sonny. The boys here are mad enough at you already. What’s the use of getting yourself in bad for nothing? We’ve got you in a pocket. I know all about that gun of yours, young fellow. I had a suspicion what had happened, and I’ve been into the house and found the shells you forgot to take with you. So, if you were thinking of making a bluff in that direction forget it!’

The exposure had the effect I had anticipated.

‘Of all the chumps!’ exclaimed the Nugget caustically. ‘You ought to be in a home. Well, I guess you’ll agree to end this foolishness now? Let’s go down and get it over and have some peace. I’m getting pneumonia.’

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