P G Wodehouse – The Little Nugget

‘Come, Ogden,’ said Mr Mennick gruffly. Necessary, this Hired Assassin work, but painful–devilish painful. He breathed a sigh of relief as he passed into the corridor with his prize.

At the door Mrs Sheridan hesitated, stopped, and turned.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said impulsively.

Mrs Ford turned away without speaking, and went into the bedroom.

Cynthia laid down her paper.

‘One moment, Mrs Sheridan.’

The girl had turned to go. She stopped.

‘Can you give me a minute? Come in and shut the door. Won’t you sit down? Very well. You seemed sorry for Mrs Ford just now.’

‘I am very sorry for Mrs Ford. Very sorry. I hate to see her suffering. I wish Mr Mennick had not brought me into this.’

‘Nesta’s mad about that boy,’ said Cynthia. ‘Heaven knows why. -I- never saw such a repulsive child in my life. However, there it is. I am sorry for you. I gathered from what Mr Mennick said that you were to have a good deal of Ogden’s society for some time to come. How do you feel about it?’

Mrs Sheridan moved towards the door.

‘I must be going,’ she said. ‘Mr Mennick will be waiting for me.’

‘One moment. Tell me, don’t you think, after what you saw just now, that Mrs Ford is the proper person to have charge of Ogden? You see how devoted she is to him?’

‘May I be quite frank with you?’

‘Please.’

‘Well, then, I think that Mrs Ford’s influence is the worst possible for Ogden. I am sorry for her, but that does not alter my opinion. It is entirely owing to Mrs Ford that Ogden is what he is. She spoiled him, indulged him in every way, never checked him–till he has become–well, what you yourself called him, repulsive.’

Cynthia laughed.

‘Oh well,’ she said, ‘I only talked that mother’s love stuff because you looked the sort of girl who would like it. We can drop all that now, and come down to business.’

‘I don’t understand you.’

‘You will. I don’t know if you think that I kidnapped Ogden from sheer affection for Mrs Ford. I like Nesta, but not as much as that. No. I’m one of the Get-Rich-Quick-Wallingfords, and I’m looking out for myself all the time. There’s no one else to do it for me. I’ve a beastly home. My father’s dead. My mother’s a cat. So–‘

‘Please stop,’ said Mrs Sheridan. I don’t know why you are telling me all this.’

‘Yes, you do. I don’t know what salary Mr Ford pays you, but I don’t suppose it’s anything princely. Why don’t you come over to us? Mrs Ford would give you the earth if you smuggled Ogden back to her.’

‘You seem to be trying to bribe me,’ said Mrs Sheridan.

‘In this case,’ said Cynthia, ‘appearances aren’t deceptive. I am.’

‘Good afternoon.’

‘Don’t be a little fool.’

The door slammed.

‘Come back!’ cried Cynthia. She took a step as if to follow, but gave up the idea with a laugh. She sat down and began to read her illustrated paper again. Presently the bedroom door opened. Mrs Ford came in. She touched her eyes with a handkerchief as she entered. Cynthia looked up.

‘I’m very sorry, Nesta,’ she said.

Mrs Ford went to the window and looked out.

‘I’m not going to break down, if that’s what you mean,’ she said. ‘I don’t care. And, anyhow, it shows that it -can- be done.’

Cynthia turned a page of her paper.

‘I’ve just been trying my hand at bribery and corruption.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh, I promised and vowed many things in your name to that secretary person, the female one–not Mennick–if she would help us. Nothing doing. I told her to let us have Ogden as soon as possible, C.O.D., and she withered me with a glance and went.’

Mrs Ford shrugged her shoulders impatiently.

‘Oh, let her go. I’m sick of amateurs.’

‘Thank you, dear,’ said Cynthia.

‘Oh, I know you did your best. For an amateur you did wonderfully well. But amateurs never really succeed. There were a dozen little easy precautions which we neglected to take. What we want is a professional; a man whose business is kidnapping; the sort of man who kidnaps as a matter of course; someone like Smooth Sam Fisher.’

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