P G Wodehouse – The Little Nugget

Mr Abney, as he had every excuse for doing, grunted with amazement. I achieved the ringing laugh of amused innocence. It was beyond me to fathom Sam’s mind. He could not suppose that any credence would be given to his wild assertion. It seemed to me that disappointment had caused him momentarily to lose his head.

‘Are you mad, White?’

‘No, sir. I can prove what I say. If I had not gone to London with him that last time, he’d have got away with the boy then, for certain.’

For an instant an uneasy thought came to me that he might have something in reserve, something unknown to me, which had encouraged him to this direct attack. I dismissed the notion. There could be nothing.

Mr Abney had turned to me with a look of hopeless bewilderment. I raised my eyebrows.

‘Ridiculous,’ I said.

That this was the only comment seemed to be Mr Abney’s view. He turned on Sam with the pettish anger of the mild man.

‘What do you -mean-, White, by coming to me with such a preposterous story?’

‘I don’t say Mr Burns wished to kidnap the boy in the ordinary way,’ said Sam imperturbably, ‘like those men who came that night. He had a special reason. Mr and Mrs Ford, as of course you know, sir, are divorced. Mr Burns was trying to get the boy away and take him back to his mother.’

I heard Audrey give a little gasp. Mr Abney’s anger became modified by a touch of doubt. I could see that these words, by lifting the accusation from the wholly absurd to the somewhat plausible, had impressed him. Once again I was gripped by the uneasy feeling that Sam had an unsuspected card to play. This might be bluff, but it had a sinister ring.

‘You might say,’ went on Sam smoothly, ‘that this was creditable to Mr Burns’s heart. But, from my employer’s viewpoint and yours, too, it was a chivalrous impulse that needed to be checked. Will you please read this, sir?’

He handed a letter to Mr Abney, who adjusted his glasses and began to read–at first in a detached, judicial way, then with startled eagerness.

‘I felt it necessary to search among Mr Burns’s papers, sir, in the hope of finding–‘

And then I knew what he had found. From the first the blue-grey notepaper had had a familiar look. I recognized it now. It was Cynthia’s letter, that damning document which I had been mad enough to read to him in London. His prediction that the luck would change had come amazingly true.

I caught Sam’s eye. For the second time he was unfeeling enough to wink. It was a rich, comprehensive wink, as expressive and joyous as a college yell.

Mr Abney had absorbed the letter and was struggling for speech. I could appreciate his emotion. If he had not actually been nurturing a viper in his bosom, he had come, from his point of view, very near it. Of all men, a schoolmaster necessarily looks with the heartiest dislike on the would-be kidnapper.

As for me, my mind was in a whirl. I was entirely without a plan, without the very beginnings of a plan, to help me cope with this appalling situation. I was crushed by a sense of the utter helplessness of my position. To denounce Sam was impossible; to explain my comparative innocence was equally out of the question. The suddenness of the onslaught had deprived me of the power of coherent thought. I was routed.

Mr Abney was speaking.

‘Is your name Peter, Mr Burns?’

I nodded. Speech was beyond me.

‘This letter is written by–ah–by a lady. It asks you in set terms to–ah–hasten to kidnap Ogden Ford. Do you wish me to read it to you? Or do you confess to knowing its contents?’

He waited for a reply. I had none to make.

‘You do not deny that you came to Sanstead House for the deliberate purpose of kidnapping Ogden Ford?’

I had nothing to say. I caught a glimpse of Audrey’s face, cold and hard, and shifted my eyes quickly. Mr Abney gulped. His face wore the reproachful expression of a cod-fish when jerked out of the water on the end of a line. He stared at me with pained repulsion. That scoundrelly old buccaneer Sam did the same. He looked like a shocked bishop.

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