P G Wodehouse – The Little Nugget

‘That’s all right.’ Everything appeared to be all right with him. ‘This sort of thing does not appeal to me. Don’t be afraid of spoiling my evening. I only came because Becky was so set on it. Dancing bores me pallid, so let’s get somewhere where we can sit down and talk.’

I was beginning to feel that a children’s party was the right place for me. Sam Fisher had treated me as a child, and so did the Little Nugget. That I was a responsible person, well on in my thirty-first year, with a narrow escape from death and a hopeless love-affair on my record, seemed to strike neither of them. I followed my companion to a secluded recess with the utmost meekness.

He leaned back and crossed his legs.

‘Got a cigarette?’

‘I have not got a cigarette, and, if I had, I wouldn’t give it to you.’

He regarded me tolerantly.

‘Got a grouch tonight, haven’t you? You seem all flittered up about something. What’s the trouble? Sore about my not showing up at your apartment? I’ll explain that all right.’

‘I shall be glad to listen.’

‘It’s like this. It suddenly occurred to me that a day or two one way or the other wasn’t going to affect our deal and that, while I was about it, I might just as well see a bit of London before I left. I suggested it to Becky, and the idea made the biggest kind of a hit with him. I found he had only been in an automobile once in his life. Can you beat it? I’ve had one of my own ever since I was a kid. Well, naturally, it was up to me to blow him to a joy-ride, and that’s where the money went.’

‘Where the money went?’

‘Sure. I’ve got two dollars left, and that’s all. It wasn’t altogether the automobiling. It was the meals that got away with my roll. Say, that kid Beckford is one swell feeder. He’s wrapping himself around the eats all the time. I guess it’s not smoking that does it. I haven’t the appetite I used to have. Well, that’s how it was, you see. But I’m through now. Cough up the fare and I’ll make the trip tomorrow. Mother’ll be tickled to death to see me.’

‘She won’t see you. We’re going back to the school tomorrow.’

He looked at me incredulously.

‘What’s that? Going back to school?’

‘I’ve altered my plans.’

‘I’m not going back to any old school. You daren’t take me. Where’ll you be if I tell the hot-air merchant about our deal and you slipping me the money and all that?’

‘Tell him what you like. He won’t believe it.’

He thought this over, and its truth came home to him. The complacent expression left his face.

‘What’s the matter with you? Are you dippy, or what? You get me away up to London, and the first thing that happens when I’m here is that you want to take me back. You make me tired.’

It was borne in upon me that there was something in his point of view. My sudden change of mind must have seemed inexplicable to him. And, having by a miracle succeeded in finding him, I was in a mood to be generous. I unbent.

‘Ogden, old sport,’ I said cordially, T think we’ve both had all we want of this children’s party. You’re bored and if I stop on another half hour I may be called on to entertain these infants with comic songs. We men of the world are above this sort of thing. Get your hat and coat and I’ll take you to a show. We can discuss business later over a bit of supper.’

The gloom of his countenance melted into a pleased smile.

‘You said something that time!’ he observed joyfully; and we slunk away to get our hats, the best of friends. A note for Augustus Beckford, requesting his presence at Waterloo Station at ten minutes past twelve on the following morning, I left with the butler. There was a certain informality about my methods which I doubt if Mr Abney would have approved, but I felt that I could rely on Augustus.

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