P G Wodehouse – The Little Nugget

I jumped down from my packing-case, swelling with pride. I had had no previous experience of this sort of thing, yet here I was handling the affair like a veteran. I considered that I had a right to feel triumphant. I lit the candle again, and beamed protectively upon the garrison.

The Nugget was sitting on the floor, gaping feebly, and awed for the moment into silence. Audrey, in the far corner, looked pale but composed. Her behaviour was perfect. There was nothing for her to do, and she was doing it with a quiet self-control which won my admiration. Her manner seemed to me exactly suited to the exigencies of the situation. With a super-competent dare-devil like myself in charge of affairs, all she had to do was to wait and not get in the way.

‘I didn’t hit anybody,’ I announced, ‘but they ran like rabbits. They are all over Hampshire.’

I laughed indulgently. I could afford an attitude of tolerant amusement towards the enemy.

‘Will they come back?’

‘Possibly. And in that case’–I felt in my left-hand coat-pocket–‘I had better be getting ready.’ I felt in my right-hand coat-pocket. ‘Ready,’ I repeated blankly. A clammy coldness took possession of me. My voice trailed off into nothingness. For in neither pocket was There a single one of the shells with which I had fancied that I was abundantly provided. In moments of excitement man is apt to make mistakes. I had made mine when, starting out on the sortie, I had left all my ammunition in the house.

II

I should like to think that it was an unselfish desire to spare my companions anxiety that made me keep my discovery to myself. But I am afraid that my reticence was due far more to the fact that I shrank from letting the Nugget discover my imbecile carelessness. Even in times of peril one retains one’s human weaknesses; and I felt that I could not face his comments. If he had permitted a certain note of querulousness to creep into his conversation already, the imagination recoiled from the thought of the caustic depths he would reach now should I reveal the truth.

I tried to make things better with cheery optimism.

‘-They- won’t come back!’ I said stoutly, and tried to believe it.

The Nugget as usual struck the jarring note.

‘Well, then, let’s beat it,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to spend the night in this darned icehouse. I tell you I’m catching cold. My chest’s weak. If you’re so dead certain you’ve scared them away, let’s quit.’

I was not prepared to go as far as this.

‘They may be somewhere near, hiding.’

‘Well, what if they are? I don’t mind being kidnapped. Let’s go.’

‘I think we ought to wait,’ said Audrey.

‘Of course,’ I said. ‘It would be madness to go out now.’

‘Oh, pshaw!’ said the Little Nugget; and from this point onwards punctuated the proceedings with a hacking cough.

I had never really believed that my demonstration had brought the siege to a definite end. I anticipated that there would be some delay before the renewal of hostilities, but I was too well acquainted with Buck MacGinnis’s tenacity to imagine that he would abandon his task because a few random shots had spread momentary panic in his ranks. He had all the night before him, and sooner or later he would return.

I had judged him correctly. Many minutes dragged wearily by without a sign from the enemy, then, listening at the window, I heard footsteps crossing the yard and voices talking in cautious undertones. The fight was on once more.

A bright light streamed through the window, flooding the opening and spreading in a wide circle on the ceiling. It was not difficult to understand what had happened. They had gone to the automobile and come back with one of the head-lamps, an astute move in which I seemed to see the finger of Sam. The danger-spot thus rendered harmless, they renewed their attack on the door with a reckless vigour. The mallet had been superseded by some heavier instrument–of iron this time. I think it must have been the jack from the automobile. It was a more formidable weapon altogether than the mallet, and even our good oak door quivered under it.

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