He had been for some time very doubtful of his servants, who,
besides being indolent and addicted to enriching their families at
his expense, domineered over him dreadfully; threatening to
discharge themselves if they were found the least fault with,
pretending that they had done a wonderful amount of work when they
had done nothing, making the most unmeaning speeches that ever were
heard in the Prince’s name, and uniformly showing themselves to be
very inefficient indeed. Though, that some of them had excellent
characters from previous situations is not to be denied. Well;
Prince Bull called his servants together, and said to them one and
all, ‘Send out my army against Prince Bear. Clothe it, arm it,
feed it, provide it with all necessaries and contingencies, and I
will pay the piper! Do your duty by my brave troops,’ said the
Prince, ‘and do it well, and I will pour my treasure out like
water, to defray the cost. Who ever heard ME complain of money
well laid out!’ Which indeed he had reason for saying, inasmuch as
he was well known to be a truly generous and munificent Prince.
When the servants heard those words, they sent out the army against
Prince Bear, and they set the army tailors to work, and the army
provision merchants, and the makers of guns both great and small,
and the gunpowder makers, and the makers of ball, shell, and shot;
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Dickens, Charles – Reprinted Pieces
and they bought up all manner of stores and ships, without
troubling their heads about the price, and appeared to be so busy
that the good Prince rubbed his hands, and (using a favourite
expression of his), said, ‘It’s all right I’ But, while they were
thus employed, the Prince’s godmother, who was a great favourite
with those servants, looked in upon them continually all day long,
and whenever she popped in her head at the door said, How do you
do, my children? What are you doing here?’ ‘Official business,
godmother.’ ‘Oho!’ says this wicked Fairy. ‘- Tape!’ And then
the business all went wrong, whatever it was, and the servants’
heads became so addled and muddled that they thought they were
doing wonders.
Now, this was very bad conduct on the part of the vicious old
nuisance, and she ought to have been strangled, even if she had
stopped here; but, she didn’t stop here, as you shall learn. For,
a number of the Prince’s subjects, being very fond of the Prince’s
army who were the bravest of men, assembled together and provided
all manner of eatables and drinkables, and books to read, and
clothes to wear, and tobacco to smoke, and candies to burn, and
nailed them up in great packing-cases, and put them aboard a great
many ships, to be carried out to that brave army in the cold and
inclement country where they were fighting Prince Bear. Then, up
comes this wicked Fairy as the ships were weighing anchor, and
says, ‘How do you do, my children? What are you doing here?’ – ‘We
are going with all these comforts to the army, godmother.’ – ‘Oho!’
says she. ‘A pleasant voyage, my darlings. – Tape!’ And from that
time forth, those enchanting ships went sailing, against wind and
tide and rhyme and reason, round and round the world, and whenever
they touched at any port were ordered off immediately, and could
never deliver their cargoes anywhere.
This, again, was very bad conduct on the part of the vicious old
nuisance, and she ought to have been strangled for it if she had
done nothing worse; but, she did something worse still, as you
shall learn. For, she got astride of an official broomstick, and
muttered as a spell these two sentences, ‘On Her Majesty’s
service,’ and ‘I have the honour to be, sir, your most obedient
servant,’ and presently alighted in the cold and inclement country
where the army of Prince Bull were encamped to fight the army of
Prince Bear. On the sea-shore of that country, she found piled
together, a number of houses for the army to live in, and a
quantity of provisions for the army to live upon, and a quantity of