clothes for the army to wear: while, sitting in the mud gazing at
them, were a group of officers as red to look at as the wicked old
woman herself. So, she said to one of them, ‘Who are you, my
darling, and how do you do?’ – ‘I am the Quartermaster General’s
Department, godmother, and I am pretty well.’ Then she said to
another, ‘Who are YOU, my darling, and how do YOU do?’ – ‘I am the
Commissariat Department, godmother, and I am pretty well! Then she
said to another, ‘Who are YOU, my darling, and how do YOU do?’ – ‘I
am the Head of the Medical Department, godmother, and I am pretty
well.’ Then, she said to some gentlemen scented with lavender, who
kept themselves at a great distance from the rest, ‘And who are
YOU, my pretty pets, and how do YOU do?’ And they answered, ‘Weaw-
are-the-aw-Staff-aw-Department, godmother, and we are very well
indeed.’ – ‘I am delighted to see you all, my beauties,’ says this
wicked old Fairy, ‘ – Tape!’ Upon that, the houses, clothes, and
provisions, all mouldered away; and the soldiers who were sound,
fell sick; and the soldiers who were sick, died miserably: and the
noble army of Prince Bull perished.
When the dismal news of his great loss was carried to the Prince,
he suspected his godmother very much indeed; but, he knew that his
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servants must have kept company with the malicious beldame, and
must have given way to her, and therefore he resolved to turn those
servants out of their places. So, he called to him a Roebuck who
had the gift of speech, and he said, ‘Good Roebuck, tell them they
must go.’ So, the good Roebuck delivered his message, so like a
man that you might have supposed him to be nothing but a man, and
they were turned out – but, not without warning, for that they had
had a long time.
And now comes the most extraordinary part of the history of this
Prince. When he had turned out those servants, of course he wanted
others. What was his astonishment to find that in all his
dominions, which contained no less than twenty-seven millions of
people, there were not above five-and-twenty servants altogether!
They were so lofty about it, too, that instead of discussing
whether they should hire themselves as servants to Prince Bull,
they turned things topsy-turvy, and considered whether as a favour
they should hire Prince Bull to be their master! While they were
arguing this point among themselves quite at their leisure, the
wicked old red Fairy was incessantly going up and down, knocking at
the doors of twelve of the oldest of the five-and-twenty, who were
the oldest inhabitants in all that country, and whose united ages
amounted to one thousand, saying, ‘Will YOU hire Prince Bull for
your master? – Will YOU hire Prince Bull for your master?’ To
which one answered, ‘I will if next door will;’ and another, ‘I
won’t if over the way does;’ and another, ‘I can’t if he, she, or
they, might, could, would, or should.’ And all this time Prince
Bull’s affairs were going to rack and ruin.
At last, Prince Bull in the height of his perplexity assumed a
thoughtful face, as if he were struck by an entirely new idea. The
wicked old Fairy, seeing this, was at his elbow directly, and said,
‘How do you do, my Prince, and what are you thinking of?’ – ‘I am
thinking, godmother,’ says he, ‘that among all the seven-and-twenty
millions of my subjects who have never been in service, there are
men of intellect and business who have made me very famous both
among my friends and enemies.’ – ‘Aye, truly?’ says the Fairy. –
‘Aye, truly,’ says the Prince. – ‘And what then?’ says the Fairy. –
‘Why, then,’ says he, ‘since the regular old class of servants do
so ill, are so hard to get, and carry it with so high a hand,
perhaps I might try to make good servants of some of these.’ The
words had no sooner passed his lips than she returned, chuckling,