If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with
animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on
the telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in
tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person
call. Many companies train their telephone operatars
to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates
interest and enthusiasm. The caller feels the company is
concerned about them. Let’s remember that when we
answer the telephone tomorrow.
Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins
friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty
to your company. In an issue of the publication of
the National Bank of North America of New York, the
following letter from Madeline Rosedale, a depositor,
was published: *
* Eagle, publication of the Natirmal Bank of North America, h-ew York,
March 31, 1978.
“I would like you to know how much I appreciate
your staff. Everyone is so courteous, polite and helpful.
What a pleasure it is, after waiting on a long line, to have
the teller greet you pleasantly.
“Last year my mother was hospitalized for five
months. Frequently I went to Marie Petrucello, a teller.
She was concerned about my mother and inquired about
her progress.”
Is there any doubt that Mrs. Rosedale will continue to
use this bank?
Charles R. Walters, of one of the large banks in New
York City, was assigned to prepare a confidential report
on a certain corporation. He knew of only one person
who possessed the facts he needed so urgently. As Mr.
Walters was ushered into the president’s office, a young
woman stuck her head through a door and told the president
that she didn’t have any stamps for him that day.
“I am collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son,”
the president explained to Mr. Walters.
Mr. Walters stated his mission and began asking questions.
The president was vague, general, nebulous. He
didn’t want to talk, and apparently nothing could persuade
him to talk. The interview was brief and barren.
“Frankly, I didn’t know what to do,” Mr. Walters said
as he related the story to the class. “Then I remembered
what his secretary had said to him – stamps, twelve-year-
old son. . . And I also recalled that the foreign department
of our bank collected stamps – stamps taken
from letters pouring in from every continent washed by
the seven seas.
“The next afternoon I called on this man and sent in
word that I had some stamps for his boy. Was I ushered
in with enthusiasm? Yes sir, He couldn’t have shaken
my hand with more enthusiasm if he had been running
for Congress. He radiated smiles and good will. ‘My
George will love this one,’ he kept saying as he fondled
the stamps. ‘And look at this! This is a treasure.’
“We spent half an hour talking stamps and looking at
a picture of his boy, and he then devoted more than an
hour of his time to giving me every bit of information I
wanted – without my even suggesting that he do it. He
told me all he knew, and then called in his subordinates
and questioned them. He telephoned some of his associates.
He loaded me down with facts, figures, reports
and correspondence. In the parlance of newspaper reporters,
I had a scoop.”
Here is another illustration:
C. M. Knaphle, Jr., of Philadelphia had tried for years
to sell fuel to a large chain-store organization. But the
chain-store company continued to purchase its fuel from
an out-of-town dealer and haul it right past the door of
Knaphle’s office. Mr, Knaphle made a speech one night
before one of my classes, pouring out his hot wrath
upon chain stores, branding them as a curse to the
nation.
And still he wondered why he couldn’t sell them.
I suggested that he try different tactics. To put it
briefly, this is what happened. We staged a debate between
members of the course on whether the spread of
the chain store is doing the country more harm than
good.
Knaphle, at my suggestion, took the negative side; he
agreed to defend the chain stores, and then went straight
to an executive of the chain-store organization that he
despised and said: “I am not here to try to sell fuel. I
have come to ask you to do me a favor.” He then told
about his debate and said, “I have come to you for help
because I can’t think of anyone else who would be more
capable of giving me the facts I want. I’m anxious to win
this debate, and I’ll deeply appreciate whatever help
you can give me.”
Here is the rest of the story in Mr. Knaphle’s own
words:
I had asked this man for precisely one minute of his time.
It was with that understanding that he consented to see me.
After I had stated my case, he motioned me to a chair and
talked to me for exactly one hour and forty-seven minutes.
He called in another executive who had written a book on
chain stores. He wrote to the National Chain Store Association
and secured for me a copy of a debate on the subject.
He feels that the chain store is rendering a real service to
humanity. He is proud of what he is doing for hundreds of
communities. His eyes fairly glowed as he talked, and I
must confess that he opened my eyes to things I had never
even dreamed of. He changed my whole mental attitude.
As I was leaving, he walked with me to the door, put his
arm around my shoulder, wished me well in my debate, and
asked me to stop in and see him again and let him know
how I made out. The last words he said to me were: “Please
see me again later in the spring. I should like to place an
order with you for fuel.”
To me that was almost a miracle. Here he was offering to
buy fuel without my even suggesting it. I had made more
headway in two hours by becoming genuinely interested in
him and his problems than I could have made in ten years
trying to get him interested in me and my product.
You didn’t discover a new truth, Mr. Knaphle, for a
long time ago, a hundred years before Christ was born
a famous old Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, remarked;
“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
A show of interest, as with every other principle of
human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not
only for the person showing the interest, but for the person
receiving the attention. It is a two-way street-both
parties benefit.
Martin Ginsberg, who took our Course in Long Island
New York, reported how the special interest a nurse took
in him profoundly affected his life:
“It was Thanksgiving Day and I was ten years old. I
was in a welfare ward of a city hospital and was scheduled
to undergo major orthopedic surgery the next day.
I knew that I could only look forward to months of confinement,
convalescence and pain. My father was dead;
my mother and I lived alone in a small apartment and
we were on welfare. My mother was unable to visit me
that day.
“As the day went on, I became overwhelmed with the
feeling of loneliness, despair and fear. I knew my
mother was home alone worrying about me, not having
anyone to be with, not having anyone to eat with and not
even having enough money to afford a Thanksgiving
Day dinner.
“The tears welled up in my eyes, and I stuck my head
under the pillow and pulled the covers over it, I cried
silently, but oh so bitterly, so much that my body racked
with pain.
“A young student nurse heard my sobbing and came
over to me. She took the covers off my face and started
wiping my tears. She told me how lonely she was, having
to work that day and not being able to be with her
family. She asked me whether I would have dinner with
her. She brought two trays of food: sliced turkey, mashed
a potatoes, cranberry sauce and ice cream for dessert. She
talked to me and tried to calm my fears. Even though
she was scheduled to go off duty at 4 P.M., she stayed on
her own time until almost 11 P.M. She played games
with me, talked to me and stayed with me until I finally
fell asleep.
“Many Thanksgivings have come and gone since I
was ten, but one never passes without me remembering
that particular one and my feelings of frustration, fear,
loneliness and the warmth and tenderness of the
stranger that somehow made it all bearable.”
If you want others to like you, if you want to develop
real friendships, if you want to help others at the
same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in
mind:
PRINCIPLE 1
Become genuinely interested in other people.
2
A SIMPLE WAY TO MAKE A GOOD
FIRST IMPRESSION
At a dinner party in New York, one of the guests, a
woman who had inherited money, was eager to make
a pleasing impression on everyone. She had squandered
a modest fortune on sables, diamonds and pearls. But
she hadn’t done anything whatever about her face. It
radiated sourness and selfishness. She didn’t realize
what everyone knows: namely, that the expression one
wears on one’s face is far more important than the
clothes one wears on one’s back.
Charles Schwab told me his smile had been worth a
million dollars. And he was probably understating the
truth. For Schwab’s personality, his charm, his ability to
make people like him, were almost wholly responsible
for his extraordinary success; and one of the most delightful
factors in his personality was his captivating
smile.
Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I
like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to
see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally,
we are glad to see them.
A baby’s smile has the same effect.
Have you ever been in a doctor’s waiting room and
looked around at all the glum faces waiting impatiently
to be seen? Dr, Stephen K. Sproul, a veterinarian in Raytown,
Missouri, told of a typical spring day when his
waiting room was full of clients waiting to have their
pets inoculated. No one was talking to anyone else, and
all were probably thinking of a dozen other things they
would rather be doing than “wasting time” sitting in that
office. He told one of our classes: “There were six or
seven clients waiting when a young woman came in
with a nine-month-old baby and a kitten. As luck would
have it, she sat down next to a gentleman who was more
than a little distraught about the long wait for service.
The next thing he knew, the baby just looked up at him
with that great big smile that is so characteristic of babies.
What did that gentleman do? Just what you and I
would do, of course; he-smiled back at the baby. Soon
he struck up a conversation with the woman about her
baby and his grandchildren, and soon the entire reception
room joined in, and the boredom and tension were
converted into a pleasant and enjoyable experience.”
An insincere grin? No. That doesn’t fool anybody. We
know it is mechanical and we resent it. I am talking
about a real smile, a heartwarming smile, a smile that
comes from within, the kind of smile that will bring a
good price in the marketplace.
Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the
University of Michigan, expressed his feelings about a
smile. “People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage
teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier
children. There’s far more information in a smile than a
frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective
teaching device than punishment.”
The employment manager of a large New York department
store told me she would rather hire a sales clerk
who hadn’t finished grade school, if he or she has a
pleasant smile, than to hire a doctor of philosophy with
a somber face.