G.B.R., a representative of one manufacturer, arrived
in town with a severe attack of laryngitis. “When it came
my turn to meet the executives in conference,” Mr.
R—- said as he related the story before one of my
classes, “I had lost my voice. I could hardly whisper. I
was ushered into a room and found myself face to face
with the textile engineer, the purchasing agent, the director
of sales and the president of the company. I stood
up and made a valiant effort to speak, but I couldn’t do
anything more than squeak.
“They were all seated around a table, so I wrote on a
pad of paper: ‘Gentlemen, I have lost my voice. I am
speechless.’
” ‘I’ll do the talking for you,’ the president said. He
did. He exhibited my samples and praised their good
points. A lively discussion arose about the merits of my
goods. And the president, since he was talking for me,
took the position I would have had during the discussion
My sole participation consisted of smiles, nods and
a few gestures.
“As a result of this unique conference, I was awarded
the contract, which called for over half a million yards of
upholstery fabrics at an aggregate value of $1,600,000 –
the biggest order I had ever received.
“I know I would have lost the contract if I hadn’t lost
my voice, because I had the wrong idea about the whole
proposition. I discovered, quite by accident, how richly
it sometimes pays to let the other person do the talking.’
Letting the other person do the talking helps in family
situations as well as in business. Barbara Wilson’s relationship
with her daughter, Laurie, was deteriorating
rapidly. Laurie, who had been a quiet, complacent child,
had grown into an uncooperative, sometimes belligerent
teenager. Mrs. Wilson lectured her, threatened her and
punished her, but all to no avail.
“One day,” Mrs. Wilson told one of our classes, “I just
gave up. Laurie had disobeyed me and had left the
house to visit her girl friend before she had completed
her chores. When she returned I was about to scream at
her for the ten-thousandth time, but I just didn’t have
the strength to do it. I just looked at her and said sadly,
‘Why, Laurie, Why?’
“Laurie noted my condition and in a calm voice asked,
‘Do you really want to know?’ I nodded and Laurie told
me, first hesitantly, and then it all flowed out. I had
never listened to her. I was always telling her to do this
or that. When she wanted to tell me her thoughts, feelings,
ideas, I interrupted with more orders. I began to
realize that she needed me – not as a bossy mother, but
as a confidante, an outlet for all her confusion about
growing up. And all I had been doing was talking when
I should have been listening. I never heard her.
“From that time on I let her do all the talking she
wanted. She tells me what is on her mind, and our relationship
has improved immeasurably. She is again a cooperative
person.”
A large advertisement appeared on the financial page
of a New York newspaper calling for a person with unusual
ability and experience. Charles T. Cubellis answered
the advertisement, sending his reply to a box
number. A few days later, he was invited by letter to call
for an interview. Before he called, he spent hours in
Wall Street finding out everything possible about the
person who had founded the business. During the interview,
he remarked: “I should be mighty proud to be
associated with an organization with a record like yours.
I understand you started twenty-eight years ago with
nothing but desk room and one stenographer. Is that
true?”
Almost every successful person likes to reminisce
about his early struggles. This man was no exception.
He talked for a long time about how he had started with
$450 in cash and an original idea. He told how he had
fought against discouragement and battled against ridicule,
working Sundays and holidays, twelve to sixteen
hours a day; how he had finally won against all odds
until now the most important executives on Wall Street
were coming to him for information and guidance. He
was proud of such a record. He had a right to be, and he
had a splendid time telling about it. Finally, he questioned
Mr. Cubellis briefly about his experience, then
called in one of his vice presidents and said: “I think
this is the person we are looking for.”
Mr. Cubellis had taken the trouble to find out about
the accomplishments of his prospective employer. He
showed an interest in the other person and his problems.
He encouraged the other person to do most of the talking
– and made a favorable impression.
Roy G. Bradley of Sacramento, California, had the opposite
problem. He listened as a good prospect for a
sales position talked himself into a job with Bradley’s
firm, Roy reported:
“Being a small brokerage firm, we had no fringe benefits,
such as hospitalization, medical insurance and pensions.
Every representative is an independent agent. We
don’t even provide leads for prospects, as we cannot advertise
for them as our larger competitors do.
“Richard Pryor had the type of experience we wanted
for this position, and he was interviewed first by my
assistant, who told him about all the negatives related to
this job. He seemed slightly discouraged when he came
into my office. I mentioned the one benefit of being associated
with my firm, that of being an independent contractor
and therefore virtually being self-employed.
“As he talked about these advantages to me, he talked
himself out of each negative thought he had when he
came in for the interview. Several times it seemed as
though he was half talking to himself as he was thinking
through each thought. At times I was tempted to add to
his thoughts; however, as the interview came to a close
I felt he had convinced himself, very much on his own,
that he would like to work for my firm.
“Because I had been a good listener and let Dick do
most of the talking, he was able to weigh both sides
fairly in his mind, and he came to the positive conclusion,
which was a challenge he created for himself. We
hired him and he has been an outstanding representative
for our firm,”
Even our friends would much rather talk to us about
their achievements than listen to us boast about ours.
La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: “If
you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want
friends, let your friends excel you.”
Why is that true? Because when our friends excel us,
they feel important; but when we excel them, they – or
at least some of them – will feel inferior and envious.
By far the best-liked placement counselor in the Mid-town
Personnel Agency in New York City was Henrietta
G —- It hadn’t always been that way. During the first
few months of her association with the agency, Henrietta
didn’t have a single friend among her colleagues. Why?
Because every day she would brag about the placements
she had made, the new accounts she had opened, and
anything else she had accomplished.
“I was good at my work and proud of it,” Henrietta
told one of our classes. ” But instead of my colleagues
sharing my triumphs, they seemed to resent them. I
wanted to be liked by these people. I really wanted
them to be my friends. After listening to some of the
suggestions made in this course, I started to talk about
myself less and listen more to my associates. They also
had things to boast about and were more excited about
telling me about their accomplishments than about listening
to my boasting. Now, when we have some time
to chat, I ask them to share their joys with me, and I only
mention my achievements when they ask.”
PRINCIPLE 6
Let the other person do a great deal of the
talking.
7
HOW TO GET COOPERATION
Don’t you have much more faith in ideas that you discover
for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you
on a silver platter? If so, isn’t it bad judgment to try to
ram your opinions down the throats of other people?
Isn’t it wiser to make suggestions – and let the other person
think out the conclusion?
Adolph Seltz of Philadelphia, sales manager in an automobile
showroom and a student in one of my courses,
suddenly found himself confronted with the necessity of
injecting enthusiasm into a discouraged and disorganized
group of automobile salespeople. Calling a sales
meeting, he urged his people to tell him exactly what
they expected from him. As they talked, he wrote their
ideas on the blackboard. He then said: “I’ll give you all
these qualities you expect from me. Now I want you to
tell me what I have a right to expect from you.” The
replies came quick and fast: loyalty, honesty, initiative,
optimism, teamwork, eight hours a day of enthusiastic
work, The meeting ended with a new courage, a new
inspiration – one salesperson volunteered to work fourteen
hours a day – and Mr. Seltz reported to me that the
increase of sales was phenomenal.
“The people had made a sort of moral bargain with
me, ” said Mr. Seltz, “and as long as I lived up to my part
in it, they were determined to live up to theirs. Consulting
them about their wishes and desires was just the shot
in the arm they needed.”
No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold some-
thing or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that
we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own
ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our
wants, our thoughts.
Take the case of Eugene Wesson. He lost countless
thousands of dollars in commissions before he learned
this truth. Mr. Wesson sold sketches for a studio that
created designs for stylists and textile manufacturers.
Mr. Wesson had called on one of the leading stylists in
New York once a week, every week for three years. “He
never refused to see me,” said Mr. Wesson, “but he
never bought. He always looked over my sketches very
carefully and then said: ‘No, Wesson, I guess we don’t
get together today.’ ”
After 150 failures, Wesson realized he must be in a
mental rut, so he resolved to devote one evening a week
to the study of influencing human behavior, to help him
develop new ideas and generate new enthusiasm.
He decided on this new approach. With half a dozen
unfinished artists’ sketches under his arm, he rushed
over to the buyer’s office. “I want you to do me a little
favor, if you will,” he said. “‘Here are some uncompleted
sketches. Won’t you please tell me how we could finish
them up in such a way that you could use them?”