The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of
“Yes” responses. This sets the psychological process of
the listeners moving in the affirmative direction. It is
like the movement of a billiard ball. Propel in one direction,
and it takes some force to deflect it; far more force
to send it back in the opposite direction.
The psychological patterns here are quite clear. When
a person says “No” and really means it, he or she is
doing far more than saying a word of two letters. The
entire organism – glandular, nervous, muscular –
gathers itself together into a condition of rejection. There is,
usually in minute but sometimes in observable degree,
a physical withdrawal or readiness for withdrawal. The
whole neuromuscular system, in short, sets itself on
guard against acceptance. When, to the contrary, a person
says “Yes,” none of the withdrawal activities takes
place. The organism is in a forward – moving, accepting,
open attitude. Hence the more “Yeses” we can, at the
very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in
capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal.
It is a very simple technique – this yes response. And
yet, how much it is neglected! It often seems as if people
get a sense of their own importance by antagonizing others
at the outset.
Get a student to say “No” at the beginning, or a customer,
child, husband, or wife, and it takes the wisdom
and the patience of angels to transform that bristling
negative into an affirmative.
The use of this “yes, yes” technique enabled James
Eberson, who was a teller in the Greenwich Savings
Bank, in New York City, to secure a prospective customer
who might otherwise have been lost.
“This man came in to open an account,” said Mr.
Eberson, “and I gave him our usual form to fill out. Some
of the questions he answered willingly, but there were
others he flatly refused to answer.
“Before I began the study of human relations, I would
have told this prospective depositor that if he refused to
give the bank this information, we should have to refuse
to accept this account. I am ashamed that I have been
guilty of doing that very thing in the past. Naturally, an
ultimatum like that made me feel good. I had shown
who was boss, that the bank’s rules and regulations
couldn’t be flouted. But that sort of attitude certainly
didn’t give a feeling of welcome and importance to the
man who had walked in to give us his patronage.
“I resolved this morning to use a little horse sense. I
resolved not to talk about what the bank wanted but
about what the customer wanted. And above all else, I
was determined to get him saying ‘yes, yes’ from the
very start. So I agreed with him. I told him the information
he refused to give was not absolutely necessary.
” ‘However,’ I said, ‘suppose you have money in this
bank at your death. Wouldn’t you like to have the bank
transfer it to your next of kin, who is entitled to it according
to law?’
” ‘Yes, of course,’ he replied.
” ‘Don’t you think,’ I continued, ‘that it would be a
good idea to give us the name of your next of kin so that,
in the event of your death, we could carry out your
wishes without error or delay?’
“Again he said, ‘Yes.’
“The young man’s attitude softened and changed
when he realized that we weren’t asking for this information
for our sake but for his sake. Before leaving the
bank, this young man not only gave me complete information
about himself but he opened, at my suggestion,
a trust account, naming his mother as the beneficiary for
his account, and he had gladly answered all the questions
concerning his mother also.
“I found that by getting him to say ‘yes, yes’ from the
outset, he forgot the issue at stake and was happy to do
all the things I suggested.”
Joseph Allison, a sales representative for Westinghouse
Electric Company, had this story to tell: “There
was a man in my territory that our company was most
eager to sell to. My predecessor had called on him for
ten years without selling anything When I took over the
territory, I called steadily for three years without getting
an order. Finally, after thirteen years of calls and sales
talk, we sold him a few motors. If these proved to be all
right, an order for several hundred more would follow.
Such was my expectation,
“Right? I knew they would be all right. So when I
called three weeks later, I was in high spirits.
“The chief engineer greeted me with this shocking
announcement: ‘Allison, I can’t buy the remainder of the
motors from you.’
” ‘Why?’ I asked in amazement. ‘Why?’
” ‘Because your motors are too hot. I can’t put my hand
on them,’
“I knew it wouldn’t do any good to argue. I had tried
that sort of thing too long. So I thought of getting the
‘yes, yes’ response.
” ‘Well, now look, Mr. Smith,’ I said. ‘I agree with you
a hundred percent; if those motors are running too hot,
you ought not to buy any more of them. You must have
motors that won’t run any hotter than standards set by
the National Electrical Manufacturers Association. Isn’t
that so?’
“He agreed it was. I had gotten my first ‘yes.’
” ‘The Electrical Manufacturers Association regulations
say that a properly designed motor may have a
temperature of 72 degrees Fahrenheit above room temperature.
Is that correct?’
” ‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘That’s quite correct. But your motors
are much hotter.’
“I didn’t argue with him. I merely asked: ‘How hot is
the mill room?’
” ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘about 75 degrees Fahrenheit.’
” ‘Well,’ I replied, ‘if the mill room is 75 degrees and
you add 72 to that, that makes a total of 147 degrees
Fahrenheit. Wouldn’t you scald your hand if you held it
under a spigot of hot water at a temperature of 147 degrees
Fahrenheit?’
“Again he had to say ‘yes.’
” ‘Well,’ I suggested, ‘wouldn’t it he a good idea to
keep your hands off those motors?’
” ‘Well, I guess you’re right,’ he admitted. We continued
to chat for a while. Then he called his secretary and
lined up approximately $35,000 worth of business for
the ensuing month.
“It took me years and cost me countless thousands of
dollars in lost business before I finally learned that it
doesn’t pay to argue, that it is much more profitable and
much more interesting to look at things from the other
person’s viewpoint and try to get that person saying ‘yes, yes.’ ”
Eddie Snow, who sponsors our courses in Oakland,
California, tells how he became a good customer of a
shop because the proprietor got him to say “yes, yes.”
Eddie had become interested in bow hunting and had
spent considerable money in purchasing equipment and
supplies from a local bow store. When his brother was
visiting him he wanted to rent a bow for him from this
store. The sales clerk told him they didn’t rent bows, so
Eddie phoned another bow store. Eddie described what
happened:
“A very pleasant gentleman answered the phone. His
response to my question for a rental was completely different
from the other place. He said he was sorry but
they no longer rented bows because they couldn’t afford
to do so. He then asked me if I had rented before. I
replied, ‘Yes, several years ago.’ He reminded me that I
probably paid $25 to $30 for the rental. I said ‘yes’ again.
He then asked if I was the kind of person who liked to
save money. Naturally, I answered ‘yes.’ He went on to
explain that they had bow sets with all the necessary
equipment on sale for $34.95. I could buy a complete set
for only $4.95 more than I could rent one. He explained
that is why they had discontinued renting them. Did I
think that was reasonable? My ‘yes’ response led to a
purchase of the set, and when I picked it up I purchased
several more items at this shop and have since become
a regular customer.”
Socrates, “the gadfly of Athens,” was one of the greatest
philosophers the world has ever known. He did
something that only a handful of men in all history have
been able to do: he sharply changed the whole course of
human thought; and now, twenty-four centuries after his
death, he is honored as one of the wisest persuaders who
ever influenced this wrangling world.
His method? Did he tell people they were wrong? Oh,
no, not Socrates. He was far too adroit for that. His whole
technique, now called the “Socratic method,” was based
upon getting a “yes, yes” response. He asked questions
with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept
on winning one admission after another until he had an
armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally,
almost without realizing it, his opponents found
themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly
denied a few minutes previously.
The next time we are tempted to tell someone he or
she is wrong, let’s remember old Socrates and ask a
gentle question – a question that will get the “yes, yes”
response.
The Chinese have a proverb pregnant with the age-old
wisdom of the Orient: “He who treads softly goes
far.”
They have spent five thousand years studying human
nature, those cultured Chinese, and they have garnered
a lot of perspicacity: “He who treads softly goes far.”
PRINCIPLE 5
Get the other person saying “yes, yes”
immediately.
6
THE SAFETY VALVE IN HANDLING
COMPLAINTS
Must people trying to win others to their way of thinking
do too much talking themselves. Let the other people
talk themselves out. They know more about their business
and problems than you do. So ask them questions.
Let them tell you a few things.
If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt.
But don’t. It is dangerous. They won’t pay attention
to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their
own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with
an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to
express their ideas fully.
Does this policy pay in business? Let’s see. Here is
the story of a sales representative who was forced to try
it.
One of the largest automobile manufacturers in the
United States was negotiating for a year’s requirements
of upholstery fabrics. Three important manufacturers
had worked up fabrics in sample bodies. These had all
been inspected by the executives of the motor company,
and notice had been sent to each manufacturer saying
that, on a certain day, a representative from each supplier
would be given an opportunity to make a final plea
for the contract.