“Well, Eunice, from the restrictions you have put on me that seems to be all we can say about it.”
“That was my intention, Jake.”
“I understood. What would you like to do the rest of today—at least until our newlyweds return? Play cribbage?”
“If you wish, Jake, certainly.”
“I have a better idea, if you want to join me in it. Could be fun, I think.”
“Will be fun, lake. Anything is always fun shared with you. Even if it’s just cribbage.”
“This is a better two-handed game if it’s played right. Let’s phone Mac, ask him to have his clerk start the ball rolling—and get married. With luck we can be legal by twenty-one or -two—and still get in a couple of boards of cribbage before bedtime.”
“Oh, Jake! ‘Cribbage’!”
“Answer me, woman. A simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. I won’t argue it. . . and I won’t ask you again. And blow your nose and wipe your eyes—you’re a mess.”
“Damn you, Jake! Yes! Let me go and I’ll blow my nose.
I think you’ve cracked my ribs, you big brute. That’s a hell of a way to treat an expectant mother.”
“I’ll do worse than crack your ribs if I have any more nonsense out of you. Now to call Mac—I’ll have to think up a plausible lie so that he’ll be justified in authorizing the County Clerk to issue a special license.”
“Why does it have to be fancy, Jacob? I thought you were going to tell Mac that you had knocked me up?”
“Eunice, is that what you want me to say?”
“Jacob, I’m going to marry you as quickly as possible, I don’t care how. I hope Winnie and Roberto show up in time, but I’m not going to wait; you might come to your senses. I thought you preferred to claim that you had done me in and I know I agreed to confirm it. So tell Mac so. Tell anybody.”
“Doesn’t fret you?”
“Jake dearest, maybe that’s the best way to handle it… because, presently, God and everybody is going to know about the Silent Witness. Jake? Do you recall my first day of freedom? The day after Mac conditionally confirmed my identity and discharged me as a ward of the court?”
“My dear, I am not likely to forget that day.”
“Nor I. Count two hundred sixty-seven days. That is when the Silent Witness should show up.”
“You’re telling me that I am the father of your child.”
“Not at all, sir. I was in heat and had slipped the leash and you may assume if you wish that I spent the day bouncing in and out of beds, going from one man to another.” She smiled beatifically. (Boss, that’s awfully close to the truth—but it sounds like a whopper.) (It is the truth, Eunice; I worded it most carefully. That is the second best way to tell a lie—tell the truth so that it sounds like a whopper.) (And I thought 1 knew how to lie.) (I’ve had years more practice, Beloved—and as a kid had more reason to lie than you ever had. Lying is a fine art; it is learned only through long practice.)
“Knock off the nonsense, Eunice, or I’ll start married life by giving you a fat lip. Okay, we’ll tell Mac that; the truth is often the simplest solution. But we have to have health certificates; Mac can get us out of the waiting time but not out of that requirement. My doctor will phony one for me without stopping to take a blood sample and make tests, but how about that quack you mentioned? Will he cooperate?”
“Jake, I don’t recall mentioning a quack. If Roberto gets here in time, I think he would take a chance. Or Rosy would, I think. I don’t think I’m harboring even a cold bug unless I picked up something from Joe and Gigi. Most unlikely. But how about you, darling? Washington, D.C., has the highest. V.D. rate in the country. Did you fetch anything home?”
“Oh, nothing but big and little casino.”
“A nice girl like me can’t be expected to understand such terms.”
“You impudent little baggage, I slept alone in Washington. Can you make the same claim? For the past