Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

We found her in a bar, a lounge, actually, which the cabbie informed me she used as an office between jobs. She didn’t move or blink as we approached her table, which I came to realize meant she had been watching us from the moment we walked through the door. Edvick slid into a vacant chair at her table without invitation and motioned me into another.

“This is Skeeve . . . the Klahd I was telling you about,” he announced, then fumed to me. “Skeeve, this here’s the bodyguard I’d recommend for you. There may be some better at doing what she does, but if so, I don’t know ‘em. For protection against physical or magikal attacks, she’s top of the line.”

With that, he leaned back in his chair, letting us size each other up like two predators meeting over a fresh kill. Female Pervects seem to come in two body types. I’ll tell you about the other type later, but the kind the bodyguard was was the lean, wiry variety. Even sitting down I could tell she was tall, taller than me, anyway. Where Pervish males, as typified by Aahz, were generally built like walls, she was as slender and supple as a whip . . . a rapier to their ax. I’ve mentioned that the men reminded me of lizards, well, she made me think of a poisonous snake . . . graceful and beautiful without being attractive. She was wearing a dark waist-length cape that was almost a poncho except it was open in front, revealing a form-fitting jumpsuit underneath. Even a violence know-nothing like me could tell the cape would be perfect for producing and vanishing weapons with unsettling ease. Overall, she impressed me as being the most deadly woman I had ever met . . . realizing I haven’t met that many green, bald, scaly women.