Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

The bar was no longer silent. There was a low murmur going around that sounded ominous even in my condition as various knots of patrons put their heads together. Even without the dark looks they kept shooting in my direction it wasn’t hard to guess what the subject of their conversation was.

“The way I see it, if there’s going to be trouble, it will hit when we leave. That means the trick is to leave without their knowing it. Order another pitcher.” That’s when I realized how much I’d already had to drink.

For a moment there, I thought the Djin had said . . .

“You want me to . . .”

“. . . Order another pitcher, but whatever you do, don’t drink any of it.”

That made even less sense, but I followed his instructions and gestured at the bartender who delivered another pitcher with impressive speed.

I paid him from my pocket.

-“I don’t get it,” I said. “Why should I order a pitcher when you say I shouldn’t . . .”

“Shut up and listen,” Kalvin hissed. “That was so every body watching you will think you’re planning to stick around for a while. In the meantime, we move.” That made even less sense than having some more to drink.

“But, Kalvin . . . most of them are between us and the door! They’ll see me . . .”

“Not out the front door, stupid! You see that little hallway in back? That leads to the restrooms. There’s also an exit back there which probably opens into an alley. That’s the route we’ re taking.”

“How do you know there’s an exit back there?” I said suspiciously.

“Because one of the things I do when I come into a new bar is count the exits,” the Djin retorted. “It’s a habit I suggest you develop if you’re going to keep drinking.”