Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

Needless to say, the news upset me. It had occurred to me that, in his enthusiasm, J.R. would go outside the law for the sake of quick profits.

“How serious is it. Captain? Can I post bail for him . . . or arrange for a lawyer?”

“Don’t worry about him,” the Pervect advised. “It turns out he has some information on the ax murderer we’ve been looking for and is willing to share it with us if we drop the smuggling charges. No, you should be more worried about yourself.”

“ME?”

“That’s right. You’ve admitted you’re his partner in this, which makes you just as guilty as he is.”

“But I didn’t know what he was going to do! Honest!” Now I was worried. The whole thing was absurd, but I was starting to think I should have insisted on having a lawyer after all.

“That’s what you say,” the captain said grimly. “Would you like to see what he was smuggling?” He gestured at one of the other policemen in the room who held up several plastic bags with small items in them. I recognized them at a glance, a fact which did nothing for my peace of mind.

“Those are all products of the Acme Joke and Novelty Company,” the captain intoned. “A company I believe you’ve worked with in the recent past?”

“A team of my employees did some work there on a pilferage case,” I mumbled, not able to take my eyes off the items in the bags. “Are those things really illegal on Perv?”

“We have a lot of ordinances that try to keep the quality of life on Perv high. We haven’t been able to stop porn, but we have managed to outlaw trashy, practical joke items like Rubber Doggie Doodle with Realistic Life-Like Aroma that Actually Sticks to Your Hand.”