Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“But the Captain here said . . .”

“He said they could charge us with etc., etc. You notice he hasn’t actually done it. Believe me, Mr. Skeeve, if they were going to jail us, we’d have been behind bars an hour ago. They’re just playing games to stall for a while.” What he said seemed incredible considering the amount of grief we were being put through, yet I couldn’t find a hole in his logic. I turned to the captain and raised an eyebrow.

“Is that true?” I said.

The policeman ignored me, leaning back in his chair to stare at J.R. through half-closed eyes. “You seem to know a lot about police procedure, son. Almost as if you’ve been rousted before.”

A sneer spread across the street vendor’s face as he met the challenge head on.

“Anyone who works the streets gets hassled,” he said. “It’s how you police protect the upstanding citizens from merchants like me who are too poor to afford a storefront. I suppose it is a lot safer than taking on the real criminals who might shoot back. We should be grateful to our defenders of the law. If it wasn’t for them, the dimension would probably be overrun with street vendors and parking violators.”

I should have been grateful for the diversion after being on the hot seat myself for so long. Unfortunately, I had also logged in a fair amount of time as the Great Skeeve, and as such was much more accustomed to being hassled than I was to being overlooked.

“I believe the question was ‘Are we or are we not being charged with any crimes?’ “ I said pointedly. “I’m still waiting for an answer.”