Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“Oh, yeah?”

The Djin seemed unconvinced.

“Well, let’s see then. Could you share some of the things you’ve heard about this dimension with me?” Kalvin shrugged.

“If you want. I remember hearing about how one of your buddy’s fellow citizens ripped off some guy’s head and spit down his throat . . . literally!”

I ducked around a heavyset couple who were bearing down on me.

“Uh-huh. I heard the same rumor, but the one doing the ripping was a Troll, not a Pervect. Nobody actually saw that one, either. Besides, right now I’m more interested in information about the dimension than hearing tales of individual exploits.”

I thought I lost Kalvin for a moment when I flattened against a wall to avoid a particularly muscular individual and the Djin didn’t make the move with me, but when I stepped out again he was back in his now-accustomed place.

“Well, why didn’t you say so, if that’s what you wanted to hear?” he said as if there had been no interruption.” About Perv itself. Let me think. There’s not that much information floating around, but what there is . . . Ah! Got it!” He plucked a thick book out of thin air and started leafing through it. I was so eager to hear what he had to say that I didn’t comment on that little stunt at the moment, but I also vowed anew to inquire further into Kalvin’s “meager powers” when the opportunity presented itself. “Let’s see . . . Parts . . . P’boscus . . . Perv! You want the statistics or should I skip to the good part?”

“Just give me the meat for now.”

“Okay. It says here, and I quote, ‘Perv: One of the few dimensions where magik and technology have advanced equally through the ages. This blend has produced a culture and lifestyle virtually unique in the known dimensions. Perverts are noted for their arrogance, since they strongly believe that their dimension possesses the best of everything, and they are extremely vocal in that belief wherever they go. This is despite ample proof that other dimensions which have specialized in magik or technology exclusively have clearly surpassed Perv in both fields. Unfortunately, Pervects are also disproportionately strong and are notorious for their bad tempers and ferocity, so few care to argue the point with them.’ End quote.”