Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“I hear you drink,” she said bluntly, breaking the silence.

“Not well. . . and, after last night, not often,” I returned.

That earned me a curt nod.

“Good. A girl’s got to watch her reputation.” It never even occurred to me that she might be referring to her way with me. She was stating quite simply that if anything happened to me while she was on guard, her professional status would suffer. What’s more, she didn’t want to risk that reputation on a fool. As one inclined to talk too much, I was impressed with how much she could communicate with so few words.

“Ever work with a bodyguard before?”

“Yes. I have two back on Deva. They were . . . busy elsewhere, so I came to Perv alone.”

There was a flicker in her eye and a slight tightening of her lips, which was as close as she came to expressing her opinion of bodyguards who let their principal come to Perv unescorted, then she continued with the subject at hand. “Good. That means you already know the basic drill. The way I work, I go where you go and sleep where you sleep. I go through any door ahead of you unless I’m covering your exit, and I taste everything before you put it in your mouth. Clear?”

“I don’t think you have to worry about poison on this one,” Edvick said, “just muggers and . . .” She cut him off with a glance.

“If he pays for the full treatment, he gets the full treatment. Clear, Skeeve?”

“On covering my exit . . . how do we handle it if we don’t know what’s on the other side of the door?” I was thinking of how I got mousetrapped sneaking out of the last bar I was in.