Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“. . . On the street where you live.”

-QUOTE FROM AN ANONYMOUS EXTORTION NOTE

I HAD THOUGHT the streets of Perv were intimidating walking or riding through them by day. At night, they were a whole new world. I didn’t know if I should be frightened or depressed, but one thing I knew I wasn’t was comfortable. It wasn’t that I was alone. There were a lot of Pervects on the street, and of course Kalvin was still with me. It’s just that there is some company to which being alone is preferable. Kalvin’s company was, of course, welcome . . . which should narrow it down for even the most casual reader as to exactly what the source of my discomfort was. The Pervects. (Very good! Move to the head of the class.) Now, saying one felt uncomfortable around Pervects may sound redundant. As has been noted, the entire dimension is not renowned for its sociability, much less its hospitality. What I learned on the streets that night, however, is that there are Pervects and there are Pervects.

Most of the natives I had dealt with up to this point had been just plain folk . . . only nasty. In general, they seemed

“If my mother cooked like that, we would have gotten rid of her . . . even earlier than we did,” Kalvin declared bluntly.

Curious comment, that.

“You can’t tell me you like this,” he insisted. “I mean, you may be a little strange, but you’re still a sentient being.”

“So are the Pervects.”

“I’m willing to debate that. . . more than ever, now that I’m getting a feel for what they eat. You’re avoiding the question, though. Are you really going to eat any of this stuff?”