Sweet MYTH-tery of Life by Robert Asprin

He smiled triumphantly as I considered his thesis.

“So you’re saying that marriages don’t work,” I said carefully, “that the concept itself is flawed.”

“Not at all,” the troll corrected, shaking his head. “I was saying that getting married under the mistaken impression that love conquers all is courting disaster. A proper match between two people who enter into a marriage with their eyes open and free of romantic delusions can result in a much happier life together than they could ever have alone.”

“All right,” I said. “If love and romance are bad bases for deciding to marry someone because it’s too easy to fool yourself, what would you see as a valid reason to get married.”

“There are lots of them,” Chumley shrugged. “Remember when Hemlock first arrived here? Her marriage to Roderick was a treaty and a merger between two kingdoms. It’s common among royalty, but you’ll find similar matches in the business world as well. In that case, both sides knew what they wanted and could expect, so it worked out fine.”

“Sorry, but that seems a bit cold to me,” I said, shaking my head.

“Really?” the troll cocked his head. “Maybe I’m phrasing this wrong. What you don’t want is a situation where there is a hidden agenda on either or both sides. Everything should be up front and on the table . . . like with the Hemlock/Roderick marriage.”

“What’s a hidden agenda?”

“Hmmm . . . That one’s a little hard to explain. Tell me, if you married Queen Hemlock, what would you expect?” That one caught me totally unprepared. “I don’t know . . . nothing, really,” I managed, at last. “I guess I figure that it would pretty much be a marriage in name only, with her going her way and me going mine.”