Sweet MYTH-tery of Life by Robert Asprin

She broke off, biting her lip slightly.

“Go on,” I said.

“Well . . . Simply put, I think you’re developing a drinking problem.”

That one caught me off guard. I had been half expecting her to make some comment about how little I was helping on the kingdom’s finances, or even the parade of women I seemed to be suddenly confronted with. It had never occurred to me that she might be taking affront at my personal habits.

“I . . .I don’t know what to say, Bunny. I mean, sure, I drink. But everybody drinks a little from time to time.”

“A little?”

She came off the windowsill in one easy motion and came to perch on the edge of my bed.

“Skeeve, every time I see you lately you’ve got a goblet of wine in your hand. It’s gotten so that your idea of saying ‘Hello’ to someone is to offer them a drink.”

I was really confused now. When she first mentioned my drinking, my immediate reaction was that she was being an alarmist. The more she talked, however, the more I found myself wondering if she might have a point.

“That’s just being hospitable,” I said, stalling for time to think.

“Not when you’re making the offer first thing in the morning,” she snapped. “Definitely not when you go ahead and have a drink yourself, whether they join you or not.”

“Aahz drinks,” I countered, starting to feel defensive. “He says the water on most dimensions isn’t to be trusted.”

“This is your home dimension, Skeeve. You should be used to the water here. Besides, Aahz is a Pervect. His whole metabolism is different from yours. He can handle drinking.”