by-and-by.
In the retirement of this evening I endeavoured to resolve, first, what
was my duty to do, and I stated the arguments with which my brother
had pressed me to go into the country, and I set, against them the
strong impressions which I had on my mind for staying; the visible
call I seemed to have from the particular circumstance of my calling,
and the care due from me for the preservation of my effects, which
were, as I might say, my estate; also the intimations which I thought I
had from Heaven, that to me signified a kind of direction to venture;
and it occurred to me that if I had what I might call a direction to stay,
I ought to suppose it contained a promise of being preserved if I obeyed.
This lay close to me, and my mind seemed more and more encouraged
to stay than ever, and supported with a secret satisfaction
that I should be kept. Add to this, that, turning over the Bible which
lay before me, and while my thoughts were more than ordinarily
serious upon the question, I cried out, ‘Well, I know not what to do;
Lord, direct me I’ and the like; and at that juncture I happened to stop
turning over the book at the gist Psalm, and casting my eye on the
second verse, I read on to the seventh verse exclusive, and after that
included the tenth, as follows: ‘I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge
and my fortress: my God, in Him will I trust. Surely He shall deliver
thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou
trust: His truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Thou shalt not be
afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; nor
for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that
wasteth at noonday. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten
thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. Only with
thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most
High, thy habitation; there shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any
plague come nigh thy dwelling,’ &C.
I scarce need tell the reader that from that moment I resolved that I
would stay in the town, and casting myself entirely upon the goodness
and protection of the Almighty, would not seek any other shelter
whatever; and that, as my times were in His hands, He was as able to
keep me in a time of the infection as in a time of health; and if He did
not think fit to deliver me, still I was in His hands, and it was meet He
should do with me as should seem good to Him.
With this resolution I went to bed; and I was further confirmed in it
the next day by the woman being taken ill with whom I had intended
to entrust my house and all my affairs. But I had a further obligation
laid on me on the same side, for the next day I found myself very
much out of order also, so that if I would have gone away, I could
not,” and I continued ill three or four days, and this entirely
determined my stay; so I took my leave of my brother, who went away
to Dorking, in Surrey, and afterwards fetched a round farther into
Buckinghamshire or Bedfordshire, to a retreat he had found out there
for his family.
It was a very ill time to be sick in, for if any one complained, it was
immediately said he had the plague; and though I had indeed no
symptom of that distemper, yet being very ill, both in my head and in
my stomach, I was not without apprehension that I really was
infected; but in about three days I grew better; the third night I rested
well, sweated a little, and was much refreshed. The apprehensions of