Beep! ‘Hello, Sam.’ Sam paused in the act of removing the towel, frowning. It was a woman’s voice, and he knew it. Whose? ‘I heard your speech was a great success. I’m so glad for you.’
It was the Lortz woman, he realized.
Now how did she get my number? But that was what the telephone book was for, of course … and he had written it on his library-card application as well, hadn’t he? Yes. For no reason he could rightly tell, a small shiver shook its way up his back.
‘Be sure to get your borrowed books back by the sixth of April,’ she continued, and then, archly:
‘Remember the Library Policeman.’
There was the click of the connection being broken. On Sam’s answering machine, the ALL MESSAGES
PLAYED lamp lit Up.
‘You’re a bit of a bitch, aren’t you, lady?’ Sam said to the empty house, and then went into the kitchen to make himself some toast.
4
When Naomi came in at ten o’clock on the Friday morning a week after Sam’s triumphant debut as an after-dinner speaker, Sam handed her a long white envelope with her name written on the front.
‘What’s this?’ Naomi asked suspiciously, taking off her cloak. It was raining hard outside, a driving, dismal early-spring rain.
‘Open it and see.’
She did. It was a thank-you card. Taped inside was a portrait of Andrew Jackson.
‘Twenty dollars!’ She looked at him more suspiciously than ever. ‘Why?’
‘Because you saved my bacon when you sent me to the Library,’ Sam said. ‘The speech went over very well, Naomi. I guess it wouldn’t be wrong to say I was a big hit. I would have put in fifty, if I’d thought you would take it.’
Now she understood, and was clearly pleased, but she tried to give the money back just the same. ‘I’m really glad it worked, Sam, but I can’t take th – ‘
‘Yes you can,’ he said, ‘and you will. You’d take a commission if you worked for me as a salesperson, wouldn’t you?’
‘I don’t, though. I could never sell anything. When I was in the Girl Scouts, my mother was the only person who ever bought cookies from me.’
‘Naomi. My dear girl. No – don’t start looking all nervous and cornered. I’m not going to make a pass at you. We went through all of that two years ago.’
‘We certainly did.’ Naomi agreed, but she still looked nervous and checked to make sure that she had a clear line of retreat to the door, should she need one.
‘Do you realize I’ve sold two houses and written almost two hundred thousand dollars’ worth of insurance since that damn speech? Most of it was common group coverage with a high top-off and a low commission rate, true, but it still adds up to the price of a new car. If you don’t take that twenty, I’m going to feel like shit.’
‘Sam, please!’ she said, looking shocked. Naomi was a dedicated Baptist. She and her mother went to a little church in Proverbia which was almost as ramshackle as the house they lived in. He knew; he had been there once. But he was happy to see that she also looked pleased … and a little more relaxed.
In the summer of 1988, Sam had dated Naomi twice. On the second date, he made a pass. It was as well behaved as a pass can be and still remain a pass, but a pass it was. Much good it had done him; Naomi, it turned out, was a good enough pass deflector to play in the Denver Broncos’ defensive backfield. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, she explained; it was just that she had decided the two of them could never get along ‘that way.’ Sam, bewildered, had asked her why not. Naomi only shook her head. Some things are hard to explain, Sam, but that doesn’t make them less true. It could never work. Believe me, it just couldn’t.
And that had been all he could get out of her.
‘I’m sorry I said the s-word, Naomi,’ he told her now. He spoke humbly, although he doubted somehow that Naomi was even half as priggish as she liked to sound. ‘What I mean to say is that if you don’t take that twenty, I’ll feel like caca-poopie.’
She tucked the bill into her purse and then endeavored to look at him with an expression of dignified primness. She almost made it … but the corners of her lips quivered slightly.
‘There. Satisfied?’
‘Short of giving you fifty,’ he said. ‘Would you take fifty, Omes?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘And please don’t call me Omes. You know I don’t like it.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Apology accepted. Now why don’t we just drop the subject?’
‘Okay,’ Sam said agreeably.
‘I heard several people say your speech was good. Craig Jones just raved about it. Do you really think that’s the reason you’ve done more business?’
‘Does a bear – ‘ Sam began, and then retraced his steps. ‘Yes. I do. Things work that way sometimes. It’s funny, but it’s true. The old sales graph has really spiked this week. It’ll drop back, of course, but I don’t think it’ll drop back all the way. If the new folks like the way I do business – and I like to think they will –
there’ll be a carry-over.’
Sam leaned back in his chair, laced his hands together behind his neck, and looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling.
‘When Craig Jones called up and put me on the spot, I was ready to shoot him. No joke, Naomi.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘You looked like a man coming down with a bad case of poison ivy.’
‘Did I?’ He laughed. ‘Yeah, I suppose so. It’s funny how things work out sometimes – purest luck. If there is a God, it makes you wonder sometimes if He tightened all the screws in the big machine before He set it going.’
He expected Naomi to scold him for his irreverence (it wouldn’t be the first time), but she didn’t take the gambit today. Instead she said, ‘You’re luckier than you know, if the books you got at the Library really did help You out. It usually doesn’t open until five o’clock on Fridays. I meant to tell you that, but then I forgot.’
‘Oh?’
‘You must have found Mr Price catching up on his paperwork or something.’
‘Price?’ Sam asked. ‘Don’t you mean Mr Peckham? The newspaper-reading janitor?’
Naomi shook her head. ‘The only Peckham I ever heard of around here was old Eddie Peckham, and he died years ago. I’m talking about Mr Price. The librarian.’ She was looking at Sam as though he were the thickest man on earth … or at least in Junction City, Iowa. ‘Tall man? Thin? About fifty?’
‘Nope,’ Sam said. ‘I got a lady named Lortz. Short, plump, somewhere around the age when women form lasting attachments to bright-green polyester.’
A rather strange mix of expressions crossed Naomi’s face – surprise was followed by suspicion; suspicion was followed by a species of faintly exasperated amusement. That particular sequence of expressions almost always indicates the same thing: someone is coming to realize that his or her leg is being shaken vigorously. Under more ordinary circumstances Sam might have wondered about that, but he had done a land-office business all week long, and as a result he had a great deal of his own paperwork to catch up on.
Half of his mind had already wandered off to examine it.
‘Oh,’ Naomi said and laughed. ‘Miss Lortz, was it? That must have been fun.’
‘She’s peculiar, all right,’ Sam said.
‘You bet,’ Naomi agreed. ‘In fact she’s absolutely-‘
If she had finished what she had started to say she probably would have startled Sam Peebles a great deal, but luck – as he had just pointed out – plays an absurdly important part in human affairs, and luck now intervened.
The telephone rang.
It was Burt Iverson, the spiritual chief of Junction City’s small legal tribe. He wanted to talk about a really huge insurance deal – the new medical center, comp-group coverage, still in the planning stages but you know how big this could be, Sam – and by the time Sam got back to Naomi, thoughts of Lortz had gone entirely out of his mind. He knew how big it could be, all right; it could land him behind the wheel of that Mercedes-Benz after all. And he really didn’t like to think just how much of all this good fortune he might be able to trace back to that stupid little speech, if he really wanted to.
Naomi did think her leg was being pulled; she knew perfectly well who Ardelia Lortz was, and thought Sam must, too. After all, the woman had been at the center of the nastiest piece of business to occur in Junction City in the last twenty years … maybe since World War II, when the Moggins boy had come home from the Pacific all funny in the head and had killed his whole family before sticking the barrel of his service pistol in his right ear and taking care of himself as well. Ira Moggins had done that before Naomi’s time; it did not occur to her that l’affaire Ardelia had occurred long before Sam had come to Junction City.