‘Oh, shit on toast!’ he muttered agitatedly. ‘It ain’t that! It ain’t the fuckin money!’
No – it wasn’t the fucking money. He could at least admit that it wasn’t the money. He could afford it; Pop could indeed have afforded a great deal, including his own mansion in Portland’s Bramhall district and a brand-new Mercedes-Benz to go in the carport. He never would have bought those things – he pinched his pennies and chose to regard almost pathological miserliness as nothing more than good old Yankee thrift –
but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have had them if he so chose.
It wasn’t about money; it was about something more important than money ever could be. It was about not getting skinned. Pop had made a life’s work out of not getting skinned, and on the few occasions when he had been, he had felt like a man with red ants crawling around inside his skull.
Take the business of the goddam Kraut record-player, for instance. When Pop found out that antique dealer from Boston – Donahue, his name had been – had gotten fifty bucks more than he’d ought to have gotten for a 1915 Victor-Graff gramophone (which had actually turned out to be a much more common 1919 model), Pop had lost three hundred dollars’ worth of sleep over it, sometimes plotting various forms of revenge (each more wild-eyed and ridiculous than the last), sometimes just damning himself for a fool, telling himself he must really be slipping if a city man like that Donahue could skin Pop Merrill. And sometimes he imagined the fucker telling his poker-buddies about how easy it had been, hell, they were all just a bunch of rubes up there, he believed that if you tried to sell the Brooklyn Bridge to a fellow like that country mouse Merrill in Castle Rock, the damned fool would ask ‘How much?’ Then him and his cronies rocking back in their chairs around that poker-table (why he always saw them around such a table in this morbid daydream Pop didn’t know, but he did), smoking dollar cigars and roaring with laughter like a bunch of trolls.
The business of the Polaroid was eating into him like acid, but he still wasn’t ready to let go of the thing yet.
Not quite yet.
You’re crazy! a voice shouted at him. You’re crazy to go on with it!
‘Damned if I’ll eat it,’ he muttered sulkily to that voice and to his empty shadowed store, which ticked softly to itself like a bomb in a suitcase. ‘Damned if I will.’
But that didn’t mean he had to go haring off on any more stupid goddam trips trying to sell the sonofawhore, and he certainly didn’t mean to take any more pictures with it. He judged there were at least
three more ‘safe’ ones left in it, and there were probably as many as seven, but he wasn’t going to be the one to find out. Not at all.
Still, something might come up. You never knew. And it could hardly do him or anyone else any harm locked up in a drawer, could it?
‘Nope,’ Pop agreed briskly to himself. He dropped the camera inside, locked the drawer, repocketed his keys, and then went to the door and turned CLOSED over to OPEN with the air of a man who has finally put some nagging problem behind him for good.
CHAPTER 10
Pop woke up at three the next morning, bathed with sweat and peering fearfully into the dark. The clocks had just begun another weary run at the hour.
It was not this sound which awakened him, although it could have done, since he was not upstairs in his bed but down below, in the shop itself. The Emporium Galorium was a cave of darkness crowded with hulking shadows created by the streetlamps outside, which managed to send just enough light through the dirty plate-glass windows to create the unpleasant feeling of things hiding beyond the borders of vision.
It wasn’t the clocks that woke him; it was the flash.
He was horrified to find himself standing in his pyjamas beside his worktable with the Polaroid Sun 660 in his hands. The ‘special’ drawer was open. He was aware that, although he had taken only a single picture, his finger had been pushing the button which triggered the shutter again and again and again. He would have taken a great many more than the one that protruded from the slot at the bottom of the camera but for simple good luck. There had only been a single picture left in the film pack currently in the camera.
Pop started to lower his arms – he had been holding the camera pointed toward the front of the shop, the viewfinder with its minute hairline crack held up to one open, sleeping eye – and when he got them down as far as his ribcage, they began to tremble and the muscles holding the hinges of his elbows just seemed to give way. His arms fell, his fingers opened, and the camera tumbled back into the ‘special’ drawer with a clatter. The picture he had taken slipped from the slot and fluttered. It struck one edge of the open drawer, teetered first one way as if it would follow the camera in, and then the other. It fell on the floor.
Heart attack, Pop thought incoherently. I’m gonna have a goddam Christing heart attack.
He tried to raise his right arm, wanting to massage the left side of his chest with the hand on the end of it, but the arm wouldn’t come. The hand on the end of it dangled as limp as a dead man at the end of a hangrope. The world wavered in and out of focus. The sound of the clocks (the tardy ones were just finishing up) faded away to distant echoes. Then the pain in his chest diminished, the light seemed to come back a little, and he realized all he was doing was trying to faint.
He made to sit down in the wheeled chair behind the worktable, and the business of lowering himself into the seat, like the business of lowering the camera, began all right, but before he had gotten even halfway down, those hinges, the ones that strapped his thighs and calves together by way of his knees, also gave way and he didn’t so much sit in the chair as cave into it. It rolled a foot backward, struck a crate filled with old Life and Look magazines, and stopped.
Pop put his head down, the way you were supposed to do when you felt lightheaded, and time passed. He had no idea at all, then or later, how much. He might even have gone back to sleep for a little while. But when he raised his head, he was more or less all right again. There was a steady dull throbbing at his temples and behind his forehead, probably because he had stuffed his goddam noodle with blood, hanging
it over so long that way, but he found he could stand up and he knew what he had to do. When the thing had gotten hold of him so badly it could make him walk in his sleep, then make him (his mind tried to revolt at that verb, that make, but he wouldn’t let it) take pictures with it, that was enough. He had no idea what the goddam thing was, but one thing was clear: you couldn’t compromise with it.
Time to do what you should have let the boy do in the first place.
Yes. But not tonight. He was exhausted, drenched with sweat, and shivering. He thought he would have his work cut out for him just climbing the stairs to his apartment again, let alone swinging that sledge. He supposed he could do the job in here, simply pick it out of the drawer and dash it against the floor again and again, but there was a deeper truth, and he’d better own up to it: he couldn’t have any more truck with that camera tonight. The morning would be time enough … and the camera couldn’t do any damage between now and then, could it? There was no film in it.
Pop shut the drawer and locked it. Then he got up slowly, looking more like a man pushing eighty than seventy, and tottered slowly to the stairs. He climbed them one at a time, resting on each, clinging to the bannister (which was none too solid itself) with one hand while he held his heavy bunch of keys on their steel ring in the other. At last he made the top. With the door shut behind him, he seemed to feel a little stronger. He went back into his bedroom and got into bed, unaware as always of the strong yellow smell of sweat and old man that puffed up when he lay down – he changed the sheets on the first of every month and called it good.