A TRAMP ABROAD By Mark Twain

27 Porters 3 Coarse Washers and Ironers 44 Mules 1 Fine

ditto 44 Muleteers 7 Cows 2 Milkers

Total, 154 men, 51 animals. Grand Total, 205.

RATIONS, ETC. APPARATUS

16 Cases Hams 25 Spring Mattresses 2 Barrels Flour 2

Hair ditto 22 Barrels Whiskey Bedding for same 1 Barrel

Sugar 2 Mosquito-nets 1 Keg Lemons 29 Tents 2,000 Cigars

Scientific Instruments 1 Barrel Pies 97 Ice-axes 1 Ton

of Pemmican 5 Cases Dynamite 143 Pair Crutches 7 Cans

Nitroglycerin 2 Barrels Arnica 22 40-foot Ladders 1 Bale

of Lint 2 Miles of Rope 27 Kegs Paregoric 154 Umbrellas

It was full four o’clock in the afternoon before my cavalcade

was entirely ready. At that hour it began to move.

In point of numbers and spectacular effect, it was the most

imposing expedition that had ever marched from Zermatt.

I commanded the chief guide to arrange the men and animals

in single file, twelve feet apart, and lash them all

together on a strong rope. He objected that the first

two miles was a dead level, with plenty of room, and that

the rope was never used except in very dangerous places.

But I would not listen to that. My reading had taught

me that many serious accidents had happened in the Alps

simply from not having the people tied up soon enough;

I was not going to add one to the list. The guide then

obeyed my order.

When the procession stood at ease, roped together,

and ready to move, I never saw a finer sight. It was 3,122

feet long–over half a mile; every man and me was on foot,

and had on his green veil and his blue goggles, and his

white rag around his hat, and his coil of rope over one

shoulder and under the other, and his ice-ax in his belt,

and carried his alpenstock in his left hand, his umbrella

(closed) in his right, and his crutches slung at his back.

The burdens of the pack-mules and the horns of the cows

were decked with the Edelweiss and the Alpine rose.

I and my agent were the only persons mounted. We were

in the post of danger in the extreme rear, and tied

securely to five guides apiece. Our armor-bearers carried

our ice-axes, alpenstocks, and other implements for us.

We were mounted upon very small donkeys, as a measure

of safety; in time of peril we could straighten our legs

and stand up, and let the donkey walk from under.

Still, I cannot recommend this sort of animal–at least

for excursions of mere pleasure–because his ears interrupt

the view. I and my agent possessed the regulation

mountaineering costumes, but concluded to leave them behind.

Out of respect for the great numbers of tourists of both

sexes who would be assembled in front of the hotels

to see us pass, and also out of respect for the many

tourists whom we expected to encounter on our expedition,

we decided to make the ascent in evening dress.

We watered the caravan at the cold stream which rushes

down a trough near the end of the village, and soon

afterward left the haunts of civilization behind us.

About half past five o’clock we arrived at a bridge which

spans the Visp, and after throwing over a detachment to see

if it was safe, the caravan crossed without accident.

The way now led, by a gentle ascent, carpeted with

fresh green grass, to the church at Winkelmatten.

Without stopping to examine this edifice, I executed

a flank movement to the right and crossed the bridge

over the Findelenbach, after first testing its strength.

Here I deployed to the right again, and presently entered

an inviting stretch of meadowland which was unoccupied save

by a couple of deserted huts toward the furthest extremity.

These meadows offered an excellent camping-place. We

pitched our tents, supped, established a proper grade,

recorded the events of the day, and then went to bed.

We rose at two in the morning and dressed by candle-light. It

was a dismal and chilly business. A few stars were shining,

but the general heavens were overcast, and the great shaft

of the Matterhorn was draped in a cable pall of clouds.