A TRAMP ABROAD By Mark Twain

frivolous, and unimpressive it is. If a man were told

in German to go there, could he really rise to thee

dignity of feeling insulted?

Having pointed out, in detail, the several vices of

this language, I now come to the brief and pleasant task

of pointing out its virtues. The capitalizing of the nouns

I have already mentioned. But far before this virtue stands

another–that of spelling a word according to the sound of it.

After one short lesson in the alphabet, the student can tell

how any German word is pronounced without having to ask;

whereas in our language if a student should inquire of us,

“What does B, O, W, spell?” we should be obliged to reply,

“Nobody can tell what it spells when you set if off by itself;

you can only tell by referring to the context and finding

out what it signifies–whether it is a thing to shoot

arrows with, or a nod of one’s head, or the forward end of a

boat.”

There are some German words which are singularly

and powerfully effective. For instance, those which

describe lowly, peaceful, and affectionate home life;

those which deal with love, in any and all forms,

from mere kindly feeling and honest good will toward

the passing stranger, clear up to courtship; those which

deal with outdoor Nature, in its softest and loveliest

aspects–with meadows and forests, and birds and flowers,

the fragrance and sunshine of summer, and the moonlight

of peaceful winter nights; in a word, those which deal with

any and all forms of rest, respose, and peace; those also

which deal with the creatures and marvels of fairyland;

and lastly and chiefly, in those words which express pathos,

is the language surpassingly rich and affective. There are

German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry.

That shows that the SOUND of the words is correct–it

interprets the meanings with truth and with exactness;

and so the ear is informed, and through the ear, the heart.

The Germans do not seem to be afraid to repeat a word

when it is the right one. they repeat it several times,

if they choose. That is wise. But in English, when we

have used a word a couple of times in a paragraph,

we imagine we are growing tautological, and so we are weak

enough to exchange it for some other word which only

approximates exactness, to escape what we wrongly fancy

is a greater blemish. Repetition may be bad, but surely

inexactness is worse.

———–

There are people in the world who will take a great

deal of trouble to point out the faults in a religion

or a language, and then go blandly about their business

without suggesting any remedy. I am not that kind

of person. I have shown that the German language

needs reforming. Very well, I am ready to reform it.

At least I am ready to make the proper suggestions.

Such a course as this might be immodest in another; but I

have devoted upward of nine full weeks, first and last,

to a careful and critical study of this tongue, and thus

have acquired a confidence in my ability to reform it

which no mere superficial culture could have conferred

upon me.

In the first place, I would leave out the Dative case.

It confuses the plurals; and, besides, nobody ever knows

when he is in the Dative case, except he discover it

by accident–and then he does not know when or where it

was that he got into it, or how long he has been in it,

or how he is going to get out of it again. The Dative case

is but an ornamental folly–it is better to discard it.

In the next place, I would move the Verb further up

to the front. You may load up with ever so good a Verb,

but I notice that you never really bring down a subject

with it at the present German range–you only cripple it.

So I insist that this important part of speech should be

brought forward to a position where it may be easily seen

with the naked eye.

Thirdly, I would import some strong words from the English